Yep, should have listened to some of the advice. Confronted w yesterday about potential A. She actually started laughing hard at the prospect, saying, "he is as old as my dad!" Continued by answering every "indicator" I had for cause with irrefutable reasons for aformentioned.
Oh well, 2X4's please. Learned yet, another lesson and the joke is on me once again. Such a dummy with my imagination. On a postive note, she didn't seem too offended, but very amused at the possiblity. And w claimed this isn't about me and another man, it's about me and the kids. I can not add another stressor like an EA into this she said. It's just not in me to do that behavior, I'M BEING HONEST so remove that from your mind. THERE IS NO ONE ELSE!
OK, time to lick my wounds and move on. One thing I do notice with w is that she seems to respond very well when communicating, confirming and validating her. Therefore, There's uncertainty with me when being dark. So I struggle with this a lot.
I recall near the end of MC in May, I began to stand up for myself and implement some dark techniques and w asked what happened, my whole persona had changed. W said before I was communicating so well, etc., and I thnink my response was- tired of chasing her and time to stand up for my self or something like that.
My problem is when I'm dark it's like I'm cold and not nice and believe W ties that with me doing more of the same behavior of when I was distant and quick emotioned. So I can see that connection, but when I laid it all out there (love)she ran or remained closed, or maybe she wanted to see how long my behaviors would last.
So that's about w. For me, I know (but need more consistency) that these changes need to be for me. Since communicating genuinely in the past seemed to draw her in somewhat, I think my mindset should be one in which I'm communicating with w for me and to look at it as practice for my new positve behaviors and not what I can get in return, I don't know. This is such a circus!!
