I have done all those things. Clearly I should not have. Because they have not worked.
I am currently going dark, so that I can detach from my wife. All of my recent changes have been for me. When I post my thought here, they are for me, to clear my mind. I never wanted any of this to happen, and could never have even considered we would be here one day. I am (as of Sundays "A" bomb), attempting DR in full effect. I have had very little contact with her. As I have said b4 I am dark (as dark as I can be living in the same house).
My thoughts are that I am attempting (as of sunday) to go full force with DR approach and to emotionally close off any "feelings" and reacting emotionally, that I have been showing for her. I have now stopped all communication with her. I have escalated my commitment to work on me through this whole process, and I know that I am proud of my effort and progress. In my heart, I know how I feel about my W. I have made it very clear here. Now I am approaching this with what I believe is full force measures. When around my W I will act "as if". I will be the best actor (in regards to showing no feeling) I can be. Truthfully, I am angry about this whole situation. Disappointed at myself for being so arrogant and blind for not seeing it coming, disappointed at my W for not talking to me before it got so bad that she quit and had the A, heartbroken at what we have and are about to put our kids through. Even though I know in my heart that this marriage is dead, I am having trouble letting go. I am scared that I may lose or have already lost the one true love of my life. Truthfully, she is already gone.
I am being as honest as I can be right now. I don't know how I am going to kill this love in my heart, but I know I have to in order to make it out alive.
END OF THREAD ONE
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
