Your B is very wise. I don't even know him and his words also resonated with me. I think the words have an effect on us because we know how very true they are.
Letting go is the hardest thing in the world to do. Who wants to say goodbye to someone we love? We vowed to love them forever, that's what it all boils down to. I wish I had a crystal ball for both of us!
Me: 35 H: 33 M: 3 1/2 years, together 6 years No kids Bomb #1: ILYBNILWY 1/25/11 Signed 6 month lease: 3/16/11 Separated: 4/2/11 I'm moving..alone: 9/27/11
Just popping in to say hi and catch up. I should tell you that I have no contact with H except when j news money or happen to see him. NOTHING! My grandmother dies last week an heard nothing from him. He barely even speaks to his own daughter. My H is in MLC, maybe you need to check that forum out. You are not alone sister. We are praying for you and I believe you are getting stronger every day!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
"Also, he said that it doesn't matter how much he loves someone, if they don't love him back, he needs to let go. Seriously, nobody should have to convince their partner to love them or stay with them, don't you think?"
How true. It is maddening to read all of the stories on this forum of LBS's (myself included) who still love their S's and are desperately trying to save their M's; yet their S's couldn't care less.
We all deserve better.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
I totally agree with that... Its just so hard to finally let go. I've even told my H in the past that I can't force him to love me - only he knows if he does or not and that I am not going to beg him to stay with him if he doesn't. He still says he doesn't know if does or not. Figures, I can never get a straight answer out of him. Anyways DG glad to hear your days are continuing to be pretty good. You're a tough cookie!
Now don't laugh everyone, but I think I might be starting to understand this whole DB concept. It really is about doing what is best for me.
I've been thinking a lot about my conversation with my B last night, and it has cleared up so many things for me. First, my obsession with checking the cell phone records. I understand now. I do it because I don't trust myself. I don't trust that I worthy of being loved, faithful, or truthful to. My insecurities are what drive me to do it. My B was right, if I feel I need to do that then it's time to walk away. Not from my M, but from the self conscious woman I once was. I no longer want to be that person, so I won't. I'm leaving that DG behind.
I read something on here and I can't remember if it was an archive or an active thread so please forgive me, but the poster said that the first decision she decided to make was to not make any major decisions for a year. I think that is a great idea, and I am going to do that also. I realize the H may make a decision for himself before then and I'll have no choice but to accept it, but I only have control over myself. I figure that besides my relationship with my kids, this is the biggest relationship I have and I owe it to myself to really process everything before I decide to let go. I've often jumped the gun and have made decisions quickly only to regret them later, and I want to avoid that.
There will be no contacting him unless it has something to do with the household or something. That means no phone calls, no texts, nothing. I really want to make sure I do this right and the fact that I am happy with my decision leads me to believe it's the right one.
Thoughts?
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Now don't laugh everyone, but I think I might be starting to understand this whole DB concept.
I think just because you said that it gave me a much needed chuckle. So thanks!
Originally Posted By: DelinquentGurl
I've been thinking a lot about my conversation with my B last night, and it has cleared up so many things for me.
Sounds like it was a productive conversation. Hopefully, you have him drinking the DB Kool-Aid.
Originally Posted By: DelinquentGurl
I read something on here and I can't remember if it was an archive or an active thread so please forgive me, but the poster said that the first decision she decided to make was to not make any major decisions for a year. I think that is a great idea, and I am going to do that also.
I think Mort Fertel also says to do this. I think it's a good game plan. In the grand scheme of things, a year is not that long of a period of time.
Originally Posted By: DelinquentGurl
I figure that besides my relationship with my kids, this is the biggest relationship I have and I owe it to myself to really process everything before I decide to let go. I've often jumped the gun and have made decisions quickly only to regret them later, and I want to avoid that.
You remind me a bit of W in this regard - in terms of making the quick decisions only to have regrets later. How often have you made a quick decision you felt was a good one? This is a big decision. Take your time.
After making this decision for myself, I feel so much better.
Yes, assuming control and making decisions about our life’s direction feels so much better than reacting or responding to the WAS drama. For me it was a contributing factor in smoothing out the hills and valleys while riding the rollercoaster.
Now if I can just sit in the shade and let others ride like during a trip to the amusement park.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Mort Fertel does also say not to make any decisions for a year. I looked into him and signed up for his emails. They do make sense and are along the same lines as DB. I am trying to be more patient and realize it took us a long time to get to this place and if we can get out it will take a long time. I really want us to be able to be friends again no matter what happens with our relationship. Our kids are young and we have to parent them together.
I know in your sitch it is different you don't have kids together but I think that will make it easier to stop the contact and really give him a chance to process what is going on and to miss really miss you and your life together. I know it is hard but you can do it!! Look how far you have come!!
Feels good to make a decision based on what is best for YOU!
