+ What are your thoughts and feelings about this statement?
- I used to feel that affairs were absolutely "deal breakers" in any relationship. Especially in marriage.
I honestly have to say that while I can appreciate that an affair does not HAVE to ruin a marriage, I am still unsure whether I am prepared to forgive an affair.
I do understand that an affair is generally a symptom of an underlying problem in a marriage, I feel there are other, less destructive methods of acting out on frustrations in marriage.
"Most people survive infidelity and can, in fact, make their marriage stronger once they work through the issues infidelity has brought into their lives."
+ If you are in the situation where you or your spouse has had an affair or is having an affair, what are your thoughts about this statement. What were your biases before you were in this situation?
- I suppose I attract infidelity into my relationships. I have personally had situations where previous partners have had affairs. Those relationships were terminated either by me when I found out, or by the partner once the affair occurred, or shortly thereafter.
I used to think that I would never have a relationship with someone who already had a child. I married a person who had a child, so I can change my mind or my parameters regarding what I accept, regarding my partner's past. So I do suppose that I can actually forgive an affair and re-build a relationship or marriage with a partner who has an affair.
I am more prepared to forgive an affair at this time, since it is not just myself and the partner that a divorce would hurt in this situation. I would want to attempt to keep the marriage together and build a stronger relationship with my partner, because of the children.
+ What are the biases of the people closest to you and your spouse?
- Very few of my and my wife's friends appear highly offended by the affair, to the extent that they say it is an absolute deal breaker.
My wife's friends, or those closest to my wife (although I am unsure of her parents or siblings knowledge or opinions) appear fine with the affair. I would suspect it would be due to a rationalization that my wife lives as though the marriage is dissolved, for all intents and purposes.
My friends generally do not cite the affair as the last straw, so to speak. Although they do point to it as another reason to follow the path of divorce.
