In my heart I know that H and I will be back together. Though at times I doubt myself and H. But I have put it in GODs hands and I know that everything will be okay. I will be okay.
H has gone back into his man cave. He poked his head out for a little while (2 weeks) now he's back in. I got sucked in. Believed every word he said about reconciling and wanting to work things out. There were very positive actions too.
But now he has reverted back to SMSing and cold/stand offish behaviour.....sigh
I have done some backslides in the last week. Did some snooping at his apartment - got busted. Spoke to MIL about confidential info - got busted. Oh well you live and learn I suppose. Ive apologised and now I have to move on. I think he is still mad but there is nothing I can do about it.
Im still having difficulty being patient. I miss H so much. I want so much to detach. But it is harder than I care to admit. I am not a tap. I cannot turn my feelings off just like that. I loved this man for over a third of my life. We have a child together. Weve been through so many ups and downs. Failures and successes. To walk away is just unthinkable.
I am trying hard to GAL. Hitting the gym. Playing with S3. Going out with friends every weekend when I dont have S3. I get hit on by a tonne of guys. But I find myself comparing. And well, no one can compare really. Yes there are attractive men out there. But how do you allow yourself to be or feel something for someone else when you are still in love with your H? Obviously Im not ready. But perhaps its what I need???
I know in my heart that my H loves me. I know that he will always love me. I see the look in his eyes. I feel the love in his heart.
I pray that GOD gives him the strenght to overcome this "crisis". And soon
Is that too much to ask?
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
