Feeling Low

[~¤DG¤~]

We're home now, exhausted but happy.
Thank goodness for the water park, it was our savior.
We all have a nice tan going.

I don't even think we're watching fireworks tonight we're so tired.
It's ok though, since I have to work in the early morning.

It's going on 2 weeks with absolutely zero contact with H.
I'll admit, I texted him last week and simply said "I miss you" and he didn't respond. Maybe he has moved on without me.

Tomorrow is my next C appt. It also marks 5 months I've been in therapy.
What a world of difference.

[4betterorworse]

Hey DG, looks like my posts are finally not being moderated anymore, so I am more easily able to comment... I've been following your situation for several months now. I'm afraid I'm in a similar boat, but reading how well you have been GAL has really inspired me.. i seem to do a lot of the same things you do as well. I swear the nice weather is saving me right now - other than working, I can spend all the time in the world outside playing with the kids, and I'm trying to force myself to leave my cell phone in the house to not check it every two seconds. Its a serious obsession - which is ridiculous b/c he NEVER contacts me anymore unless its about the children. Anyways, glad you've been having a pretty good couple of days. Always thinking of you... These guys don't know what their missing

[~¤DG¤~]

4better,

Thanks for following my sitch and for your kind words.
I'm happy to hear that I've inspired you.
GAL was very, very difficult for me in the beginning, but for the most part it has gotten easier. It makes me sad that I haven't had contact with H, but in a way it also helps, if that makes sense.
I no longer sit around hoping he'll send me a text or anything.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling---

This is the 3rd night in a row that I have had dreams about my H.
I just want them to stop!

[a girl]

Boy do I know how that feels!

I just tell myself that it's extra help with my visualization, but I'm fortunate to have only "good" dreams (although when I wake up and they're not real, that's pretty bad).

Hope you sleep better tonight.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling---

Had a good session with my C today. I think starting in August I may start seeing her bi-weekly instead of weekly. I feel stronger. We'll see though, I'm trying not to think about the future too much. I'll know more as it gets closer.

My S10 is having a hard time with H being gone, and this is where I get angry. He always said he loved my S's like his own, so I can't understand how he can walk away from them with no contact. S10 has called him, texted him, and has received no response. He cries because he misses him and I feel terrible. All I can do is hold him, assure him that I love him and that we'll get through this together. I also have him see a C as well and told him maybe we should discuss it with him next week. He agreed.

My H is a grown man, and part of me wants to text him and give him a piece of my mind but #1-I've always resorted to anger and name calling and I don't want to give him the satisfaction of thinking I haven't changed when I know I have and #2-I can't and shouldn't have to remind him to do the right thing.

[jbnati]

DG, I feel terrible for your S. That is such a great age, too, and your H is really missing out.

I've always resorted to anger and name calling

Gee, sounds like you are doing a 180!

[~¤DG¤~]

jb- I am! It makes me happy.

[Telemark]

DG, you've done well holding back w/ the anger. I, too, let my anger get the best of me in my marriage and, as you know, it came with a very high cost.

Perhaps you've noticed this already, but in retraining the anger toward your H, do you find yourself more patient and tolerant in general? I do. Another by-product of the 180s, I suppose.

[~¤DG¤~]

Perhaps you've noticed this already, but in retraining the anger toward your H, do you find yourself more patient and tolerant in general? I do. Another by-product of the 180s, I suppose.

Very much so! I'm much less angrier in general. I still have things that make me angry, but I don't lose control and go into a fit of rage. I used to do that over the littlest things and now I ask myself "In a day/week/month/year from now, is this really going to matter?" And that helps tremendously.

I was talking to my B tonight on the phone, and he is just so level headed and mellow and always has a way of putting things into perspective.
We were discussing trust in relationships and my obsession with checking the cell phone records and he told me he refuses to have a relationship with ANYONE whom he feels the need to have to snoop through phones or emails, etc and vice versa. He said if it comes down to that, then it is an indication that it's time to move on.

Also, he said that it doesn't matter how much he loves someone, if they don't love him back, he needs to let go. Seriously, nobody should have to convince their partner to love them or stay with them, don't you think?
I know it all ties in with DR, but for some reason hearing him say it, it struck a chord in me.