Not a lot happening one way or the other - worked on some stuff, but basically took it slow and finally used up some of the produce that was sitting in my fridge.
Forgot my parents had used the coffee maker last time they visited - about 3 weeks ago - so that was kind of gross. Oh well.
Got a voicemail from my L this evening. Said nothing has really happened on his end, but he did see something in a legal journal that my W's L filed a divorce complaint on behalf of W. It was nice of him to give me a heads up on that. I try to feel how I react to these things - there was a time when it would have freaked me out pretty powerfully. Now, I get a little bit of discomfort, but not much - I just try to let it go through me and feel it and know it for what it is.
There really wasn't anything that I didn't already know, except that this stuff is published in a journal/paper somewhere - but I guess it does mean that her lawyer did really file something. I dunno - haven't received anything yet - not looking forward to it, but not really fearing it either as far as I can tell.
I have been thinking about whether going dark/LRT is appropriate for me or not. It seems to be the default as she is not attempting to contact me all that much, and may even think that 'giving me space' is what she is supposed to be doing. As we have no children, there isn't a whole lot of reasons to be in touch.
In many ways, I feel like this space is vital and healthy. She clearly needs time away from me to work on her own issues and I have plenty of my own stuff to work on. But she has also filed for D. So... yeah, there's that.
A bit of a bummer - I couldn't help thinking today that it would be really cool to live a life with her, especially as she seems to be developing some more 3 dimensional insights into herself and her behavior/thinking. I can't help but see that as a positive and see the potential for a degree of real intimacy that, honestly, we never had in our relationship. Even in bed, I always felt like she had a mask on and was playing a role.
I worry that her newest thoughts re: codependency are going to blossom into her going the other extreme and trying to become counter-dependent, refusing even the smallest reliance on another person. I don't know a lot about codependency, but I understand that many people once identifying with the label, become very 'arms length' about their relationships. True? False?
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
