You seem to indicate that your wife has entered into EA type relationships several times over your relatively brief marriage.
How are you ok with this?
Or are you mischaracterizing simple friendship with male acquaintances as EA?
In the first case, I would suggest that your wife has some issues that are not likely to be fixed unless, at some point, the two of you agree that they are issues.
In the second case, I would suggest that you have some issues regarding control and lack of self-confidence. Again, these are very difficult issues that would stand in the way of a happy marriage.
The second thing has to do with encouraging her to go out on a date with the eHarmony guy.
Regardless of your attempts at explaining how it amounted to a "180" for you (and I think you need to re-read just what 180's are all about), this was a poor move.
It reinforces her notion that the divorce is eminent, that you agree the two of you are not compatible for marriage, and sends the underlying message that you are willing to belittle yourself to keep some semblance of a relationship with her.
Don't get me wrong however. If your wife is dating, I don't suggest you call her in on the carpet or rant and rave about it. One of your primary lessons to learn here is that you cannot control your wife or her choices.
But at the same time, there is a HUGE difference between butting OUT of her business, and ENCOURAGING her to explore a relationship outside your marriage.
I'm all for the friendly approach to these marital crises, ESPECIALLY when kids are involved. But keeping things amiable is not the same as giving your spouse carte blanche to do as she pleases, and then playing "happy family" with her the next day.
When my divorce was finalized, my ex-wife wrote me an email explaining how we would always be friends and how she was sure that we could continue to do things with our boys because we would never be like those other divorced couples.
She was spending a long weekend with an old crush from when she was 16 at the time.
Your wife is teetering on the edge of a decision. You are so far making it so that she does not have to decide by allowing her to have both.
Again, this is not a call to attempt to lay down the law.
It is me urging you to reconsider being an active participant in her destruction of your marriage.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
