Couple things I want to chime in here, 9. And I want to say you've done a FANTASTIC job. Very proud of you!
Originally Posted By: ninelives
... She may be in shock.
Yes. Very likely and likely to be that way for some time to come. And regardless of her bi-polar, this will pop up. I do recommend educating yourself on trauma related shock.
Originally Posted By: ninelives
...concerned that I will not take her back and that in a couple of days, I will tell her sorry, but this is what you wanted so please go on by yourself.
Are you sure? I certainly understand, take those couple days and make sure you are prepared to say that.
Originally Posted By: ninelives
He is not to be within 100ft of us , kids included or near my property.
Excellent. I know the 100ft does not sound like much, but it is considered a "safe" barrier, especially in small communities where it is difficult to not run into someone in day to day life.
She certainly had a lot of questions regarding whether you will "take her back" and whether she is "worthy" of you. These questions have likely been in her mind for some time, and now considering the sitch, they are paramount in her mind. She wants to feel safe. That's understandable.
Originally Posted By: ninelives
M: All i care about right now is that you are safe and feel safe.
Perfectly said.
Originally Posted By: ninelives
All I know is that we both want our family together again and that everything else is going to take lots of patience and work.
Maybe it's time to start doing a little reading regarding piecing.
I'm not saying that's the next step, but I understand that piecing can be consider HARDER than getting through the initial breakup and detaching, etc...
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Understand that both your W and you will be going through HUGE emotion over this for the next few days. I know exactly what it is like. There were so many times that I just wanted to "take care of the problem" and make it go away. You know... "fix" it...
Physical violence is a horrible, horrible feeling. While having something stolen from you feels bad, physical violence is so much more an "invasion of privacy" and primitive emotions stir up.
All the emotions one goes through (and I also recommend reading up on the effects of domestic violence, to those who are offended; your W, yourself) include (as your wife said) guilt, as though somehow she deserved it, anger, a deep sense of violation, dirtiness, just SOOO much.
Your kids are likely to find out about this as well. So be prepared they may want to talk to someone about this. Consider counseling for EVERYONE.
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I cannot tell the future, but I do believe that you are in a strong position for R, if you choose it.
Be careful...
When my W and I started having feelings for each other, it was just prior to the admission that her partner was abusive. Once that came out, I was there for her through the whole process.
Understand that AT THE TIME, I did not feel like I was rescuing her. I would have done that for ANYONE. Yet, there was certainly a "bond" that was created through all of it.
I am not saying that it was false love that I felt for her, afterwards. Love is a choice, and I chose to love my W. And I DO NOT regret it. In the same time, I chose to love her at the point where there was emotional trauma and recovery. I do not know what that means... It is just what it is...
Just some thoughts from me...
Unfortunately, I do not just know about domestic violence, I also have gone through a sexual abuse event, as well. That's just as ugly... time infinity... regarding the emotions...
Thankfully, this is where you and your W are at, now.
I have lost friends to domestic violence (in one case; a murder / suicide). One murder was specifically regarding an affair...
I could watch this or other topics here with an air of... detachment... like I'm watching some crime show on TV, or some movie... and I know the harsh realities of it...
