- No. Although I understand and believe that love is a choice, I also believe that love is not a choice we need to make on a day to day basis. Not consciously. We choose to love and then we simply... love...
We certainly can choose to act in more loving ways and we certainly can act in ways that are not loving. Moment by moment, it is good to check on whether we are behaving in loving ways to our spouses and do what we can to behave in loving ways or MORE loving ways as our relationships grow.
I do not know how someone "falls out of love", but there is certainly a point when a person questions their love and at that time, when they no longer feel there is "value" to further loving someone, they make a choice to stop loving.
"Love isn't just a feeling, it's a decision"
+ What are your feelings about the above statement?
- At one point, my W said to me, "Love is an action, not an emotion" (paraphrased). Those were actually not her words, it was in an email response to something I sent to her. I found out that her friend actually wrote the response.
It is irrelevant that she did not write the response, the point is that statement bothered me.
While I DO believe we SHOW love by action, I truly believe that love ABSOLUTELY IS a FEELING. We can CHOOSE to love, but we FEEL love once we make that choice.
Michele states:
"There is no magic or mystery here. What you decide to do on a daily basis will determine how much love you and your partner feel for each other. You both decide whether you're going to spend time together regularly or do your own thing, forgive each other or hold grudges, accept each others weaknesses or point finger of blame, apologize when in error or smugly stand your ground, be generous and giving or put your own needs first."
+ Do you find your feelings vascillating greatly?
- I do not think my feelings vacillate greatly, although I certainly understand that I may not recognize when I am not behaving in a loving way.
I could certainly be more conscious and aware of when I am not being loving.
+ What are you committed to?
- I am certainly committed to being more loving with my relationship. I recognize in myself that I will need to be more active in behaving in a loving way more often than I have in the past. Continue to do a better job.
