Details will be on the alt in the not to distant future.
Current plan is - DB101 meeting on 8/26 and overall "activities" on Saturday 8/26.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Hiya friends, hope you all had a happy and safe 4th.
Just some stuff I wanted to write about.
Those of you who know me know how I feel about my son. He is my inspiration, my hero. He has had a terribly difficult life for a lot of reasons.
But, he has always risen above it all. He is really struggling again now. I fear that he might hurt himself in some way.
Many professionals have told me that divorce during the teen years is especially difficult on the children.
At a time when they are trying to find their place in the world, trying to figure out what they want and who they are, their lives are turned upside down and they lose their footing.
And so my son is still so very affected by all this. He was a good student in high school, ready to go to college.
When this happened, he failed his senior year, then quit community college and has now been lost and stuck.
I have, to say the least, tried in everyway to help him.
His father lives 5 hours away. He sees him two days a month at best.
So, me being me, I called my xh to talk about our son. The conversation went ok, however at one point my xh seemed to feel that I was blaming him unfairly. I straightened that out in a hurry.
I explained to him that the reality is that our son has been struggling since all this began. I was not going to rehash the past. If he is feeling guilty, then, he needs to examine why. Not my problem.
I guess he forgot that where son is concerned he best not try that garbage of defraying the real reason why we are talking. He needed to step off and step off he did.
Now, once that was settled, we were able to try to figure out how to best help our son.
So, we both decided that it was best to talk to son together. I wanted our son to know that no matter what happened between us, he was always our first priority. I also wanted him to know that we are both there for him and that this is serious.
The three of us sat down together and talked. Really talked. In the past, my xh would have driven the conversation. That aint gonna happen anymore. So, it was really the first time that the three of us were able to have an adult, equal conversation.
In the end, the points we wanted to make were made. I could see that my son was happy that we were able to come together.
After his dad left. my son came over to me. "Little mom, he said, I am so proud of you. You didnt let dad control the conversation. You said what you wanted to say. And I know that you love me more than anything and that nothing was going to stop you from helping me. Even if it meant having to call dad and insisting he come and talk."
I said, Son, I did not have to drag your father. He loves you very much. Always has, always will. I felt it was important that you know we are united where you are concerned, always.
He said, Mom, you are the very best of the mother tigers. I know, no matter how lost I am, you will be there to catch me. Thank you.
Please, I ask for you prayers again, for my son. And if you can, for my xh, that he may continue to remember what an extraordinary person his son is.
that is so good that you were able to get the three of you together and talking this way I think the young 20's are a difficult time for many young people I see many of my friends children having difficult times 20-25 It makes sense that there would be a stuck time trying to figure how what to do..how to grow up I can even remember feeling that at that age your son will find his way and it seems as if you hav done a lot to help by being supportive and lovingly available I will pray for him Peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Hey Pei. Ayuup. Whatever. He is still spinning so much in that tunnel it is amazing he hasnt wore himself out.
Anyway, interesting being in a new relationship after 100 years. LOL!
So different and strange.
He continues to be a good friend. And we both feel that is the basis of a good and lasting relationship.
Come to realize xh and I were a lot of things, but, not really friends. We cared a great deal for each other, loved each other, were committed to our son and had great passion. But, the friend part, not so much.
I am learning so much about what a relationship built on mutual respect and open communication looks like.
When we talk about my marriage, I tell him I will not ever bash xh. Not my style. I will not denegrate such a long term relationship. My friend totally understands.
What he cannot understand is how I went from being who I was in my 20's - strong, capable, confident to who I became in my marriage.
He makes me think and that is a good thing.
I have no idea where this will go. Really and truly. I have come to enjoy being independent and on my own. I know he struggles with that. But, his problem, not mine.
I just continue to enjoy his friendship.And as I continue on my journey of self discovery and change and I never, ever let him come between that.
It is refreshing to be able to be so open and honest.
I know he feels what the heck am I getting into. Ialso know he has his own issues to attend to.
Me, I am always Brooklyn. Take me as I am or keep walking. LOL!
I have been dealing with a lot of things. But as always, you all are close in my thoughts and prayers.
My son has had his operation. He is recovering and thankfully it went well.
I am still seeing my friend. It is interesting to say the least, this part of my journey.
I do not hear from my xh. He is building a new life in a new city. I wish him the best. I am just thankful that he has stepped up in his relationship with our son.
I now know I did the right thing in not getting in the way of that.
My son has suffered from all this. He is not the same person. He is wary and has lost some of his wonderful spirit. He is fearful of being happy. Fearful that the rug will be pulled out from under him again at any time.
But, he is also stronger. We are closer.
My prayer always is that he finds his way. That he becomes healthy. That he finds someone one day who appreciates the amazing person he is. Girls his age cannot see past the weakness in his arms, legs, hands, feet. They cannot see past the falling down, the unsteadyness, the dropping things.
But I hope that one day someone looks into his wonderful heart. That someone sees what I see. A man of character and strength and deep convictions. A person with a pure soul and capable of such love and devotion. Someone who wouldnt hurt anyone and who is always there for his friends and family.
Each day he amazes me. Each day he makes me smile. Each day he brings such love and spirit to those he cares about.
I have taken some time to regroup. To gather strength to dig in again.
I do not question why God has put so many hurdles before me. I trust in His wisdom without question.
I have overcome so much with in my life. There is more. I know that. And that's ok. He has me held in His capable hands.
I am still seeing my friend. It is a nice, stable, honest friendship. He cares for my deeply. I know this. I am always honest with him about where I am at in my journey. What I feel, what I need, where I stand.
The gifts he gives me are understanding and space, real respect and honesty. But the greatest one by far is accepting me for who I am, for what I want.
