The return to being the person I was or should I say am is by the following
I have been very non-judgemental and supportive of her actions whether I agree with them or not. To be more specific I have not made an issue of her EA or dating this other guy. For that matter I don't know how far this has went if its just been phone and text or if she actually went out on a date. It drives me crazy but I have not brought it up nor questioned it.
I have learned not to pry and beat the horse as they say. Example on Sunday when she picked up kids I asked how her night was and she told me she didn't go out. I wasn't sure if she did or didn't but I just took that as her answer and let it go. I never mentioned another word of it.
Communicating has been a bit tough as we really haven't communicated much lately. I love to talk. Probably too much. So as far as my communication with her goes I let her initiate contact and listen to what she says and for a change I let it process for a second before I respond. I have sort of went almost dark I guess. Spoke for 2 minutes on Sunday and didn't here from her again until today. She sent 3 line email. Told me just wanted to say hi and ask how my weekend was, told me about S having fun at parade, and about expected death in her family then wished I was having a good day. I replied short as well. Told her hello herself, cant wait for S to tell me about parade, gave condolences, told her I had a blast over the weekend....didn't give any details. Wished her a good day.
I have been learning to be more patient as in my mind I want this nightmare to end and call her but I know I have to see how the cards play out however long it takes. Actually patience is a new thing for me as I was never really patient.
I have returned to giving and everything about her. This can be confirmed by me not pressuring her to give it a chance because right now that isn't what she wants or if ever. Not giving her a hard time about dating because right now this is what she wants and as far as she is concerned it isn't an A because in her mind M is done and D is filed and moving along. I have not fought the divorce one bit and agreed on everything from child support, custody, property, and waiver of cooling off period to speed it up. I didn't even hire a lawyer. D should be final in Sept. I did this because this is what she tells me she wants. To me the most important thing is her happiness. So her needs/wants take place over mine. Something I failed to do for years.
The email today was a shock. It almost seems she can't go more than a day or 2 with no contact with me. I almost feel as if she wants me around but then again really doesn't. Very confusing.
I do have an appointment with my coach on Thursday. Very much needed and can't wait for it. I seem to feel much better after speaking with him and for whatever reason more hope. Although hope is a dangerous thing.
