Interesting how you mention you feel your mom is trying to control you...
ergo the development of your own need to control...?
IMO, discussing dating with your W would not necessarily be R talk. Although it is probably something that you would only mention if HE brought up the dating topic. IOW, if he mentions anything about himself dating (hopefully you can control yourself and not react to this), you can simply indicate that you do not intend to date. Period. If he persists, asking for "permission", simply respond with "What you do will be your choice."
Sometime either just before I left or just after I left, my W suggested something to the effect that maybe I should see if the "grass was greener"... I simply stated, very firmly, that I had no intention to see if the grass was greener, as I was very sure it was not. That topic has not come up again.
I have gone as dark as possible with my W over the past two months. So contact has been very minimal.
Prior to going dark, my W varied between open and friendly, to closed and distant. I can say with certainty, that our contact was elastic and dynamic.
What I mean by this is, often my W would be open and candid, and then (likely by some language or action by me), she would become uncomfortable and then move to cold and distant. How this happened was definitely something internal, going on with her.
Yes, if she was open and I was cold, she would move to cold and distant. And yet, if she was open and I was open, she could also move to cold and distant (some internal feeling of discomfort she likely went to).
The opposite could also happen. If she was cold and distant and I was warm and open, she sometimes remained cold and sometimes she became warm.
Very little rhyme or reason. And yes, I could pick up the kids when she was there and she ignored my presence (and then eventually came to talk... or not...) There has been no physical contact, intentional or otherwise, since at best early January. That was cold and disconnected. No hugs, no hand holding, no brushing against each other. If we are physically close and she gets uncomfortable, she definitely moves further away or even leaves the room.
She certainly has her own daemons she is working on.
To be perfectly honest, if she attempted to hold my hand or hug me, I would likely back away. Anything would be (reactively) cold unless I put in significant effort to be otherwise.
