Thanks B- If I'm being COMPLETELY honest, yeah, I'm looking to blame our fallout on someone or something after owning up to my own shortcomings.
When in MC, (May)some sessions were indeed very heated from me feeling attacked..oh, how I would do things differently, now. I eventually owned up to EVERYTHING in my closet and apologized. To this day, have not heard w apologize for anything other than in an email after I was served. In those sessions, she said there was no one else. Maybe it did start post filing, who knows? just hurts still the same.
Amazing how text book w is for the WAW syndrome. Today was our first mediation appt. Mainly about the kids scheduling/visits through summer until school. W tried to sneak in money talk which was not the place. She's always sooo nice in person, sat next me in hall, etc. (which of course is because she wants to sprint through the divorce) Wish it were for the right reasons, I don't resist or help too much with the process. However, my attorney will have none of w's sh@#.
They are going on vaction for two weeks so that will be good for me and space. Really can't make a judgement on how going dark is going (minus the the new info of potential OM). Just confused of what to do with my conflicting thoughts.
Sometimes I think she wants me to pursue because that was one of her comlpaints that I was distant the last year(s) and wanted more affection. Then it was too late when I was pouring it on, she built up that wall around her heart. This blows, man!
I read somewhere (probably DR)that oftentimes, when the LBS is truly sincere in making the necessary changes to assist in the marriage to thrive once again, the WAW will not give them the chance. And, as a result, the WAW will look over their shoulder and wonder and the LBS eventually moves forward with confidence.
More importantly, the new found LBS wisdom gets put on there future relationship. So in the end, the new person reaps the benfits and should thank the xw. Just hope and pray w comes out of her fog before the gavel drops.
