BTM, This is the first time I post on any of your thread but I have been following it over the past couple of months. I am not an expert in this by any means, but I wanted to chime in. I’m sorry that you are in the predicament in which you find yourself. I went through a very similar situation years ago with my XW, (I’m attempting to save my 2nd marriage). I was full of hate and anger for a very long time; all the while she was off living her life with OM. X was as happy as a pig in slop, or so it seemed, and I was destroying myself with alcohol and drugs. I finally realized that the only person the hate and anger was hurting was me. I was literally, slowly killing myself. It took some time for me to realize it, but, the only thing that she had damaged was my ego and pride, nothing more. The thing about ego and pride is that they are things that only exist in our minds and that make them things that we have full control over. Not things that should control us. By being so bitter about what had happened, I was still allowing my X’s actions control me, my happiness, and my life in general. I have realized that some of the residual anger and bitterness have helped put me where I am today in my current M. I know that it is not something that can be turned off overnight, but I would like to warn you of what may come if you continue to harbor these feelings. They are only hurting you and your kids, and although you feel that there is no way to save your marriage, there is still hope is saving/mending the relationship with your kids. I hope and pray that you are able to take the path that I didn’t take, for the sake of your health and for the relationship with your children.
The only thing keeping you from being the person you want to be is you.
Just my $.02 Good luck with everything, I hope the best for you and your kids.
M 38 W 32 T 11 M 2 SS 14 S 9 ILYBNILWY March/2010 EA found out Oct 2010 PA found out Jan 2011 living together alone
