Can My Marriage Be Saved?

[a girl]

Need to remember not to talk to H before I listen to my "Positivity" meditation in the morning.

Watched the fireworks at my office last night - we have a great view and they do a family thing - crafts for the kids, etc.

About 15 minutes before they started, we went out to the deck and got some seats. H played Angry Birds until they started, which was troubling. I couldn't find a way to mention it at the time so I waited until we got home. In hindsight, I should have said something right then so he could have "fixed" it.

I told him it was a hard night for me and I wished he'd not done that. He apologized and then we went to sleep. I slept poorly for the first time in a week or so.

This morning I got up to go potty before I did my meditation and he asked if something was wrong. I responded poorly. We talked for a minute and near the end, I said, "You know, I know I promised myself I wouldn't ask you for hugs, but I almost did last night." He said, "I'm sorry .. I know it was hard."

Then he started to leave, asked if I wanted the door closed (I said "Yes, please") and then he came back and said, "I will hug you for a minute - I can't lay down long because my head hurts."

He hugged me - sort of a one-armed thing. I just leaned my head on him for a second and then pulled away.

Part of me wanted to say "I really don't need your pity hugs" but that wouldn't get me closer to my goal.

We rode the train in (we usually drive, but traffic was going to be awful). There was a seat of 3 seats with 2 open - he went to sit in it, and I went to sit elsewhere but he said, "Do you want to take these?" so I did. I tried not to be too pressed up against him - I said 'Sorry I'm so close to you, but I don't like to touch strangers'. He just said, "It's fine."

He got off at his stop and just said, "This is me! Bye - have a good day!"

So. Today is hard. I signed up for 6 sessions of coaching - haven't gotten the call to schedule them yet, but I can't stay in limbo like this - MC is good, I really believe that, but it's not going fast enough.

Has anyone worked with any of the coaches? Can you recommend anyone? I've read Laurie's replies in some old threads and she seems good, but I don't know the rest of them.