I reacted out of emotion. It is pretty tough to have your spouse tell you they have been unfaithful.
***I understand. I would have been emotional, too. We're just trying to get you to see that you can't keep ACTING OUT on your emotion, or making DECISIONS based upon it. Come here, vent, scream, go to a friend, go into the woods and scream to the trees, but don't react from your emotion TO YOUR WIFE.***
Btw, what's to wonder. She cheated on me, I had every right to call her on it. We discussed it briefly, I sent those texts, and I am dark.
***Yep, you had the "right." So where did it get you? Did it help, or did it hurt?***
Was I supposed to just keep that I knew about the infidelity to myself? ***For now, yes, you were. Until you were in a more detached state, where you could decide how and if to best use it. Decide LOGICALLY, instead of react EMOTIONALLY. You are highly REACTIVE right now, and that's not a trait that's going to help you any.***
I dont understand. How can a bomb like that go without emotion? ***It's OK to have emotion. Just don't ACT on it.***
I am desperately trying to follow DR. Am taking my anger over her Affair and channelling that into GAL. I am using every ounce of strength to keep focussed. I did not resort to yelling or screaming when she admitted the A. That is all 180 behavior for me, and I feel good about it. The old me would have screamed and cried and everything. I was rational and calm. Furthermore, I went to her family BBQ and endured the torture for longer. The old me would have not gone. Instead, I showed my wife through action that I was ok, even though I wasn't.
***If you feel you were helped by this, then there's really nothing we can say. YES, it's always better to confront calmly. And SOMETIMES, it is BEST to confront NOT AT ALL. At least not until you have a plan.***
