Dazed and confused...

[lstincali22]

I have to admit, things have been much better for me since I decided to truly take it one day at a time and let things go. The tension at home has subsided quite a bit! I don’t have this uncomfortable feeling when I get home. I am enjoying my time with my family. I had been so focused on fixing things that I was letting the day’s just slip away one by one, feeling so unaccomplished. Every day that passed without my family being on solid ground, was a day I had failed again. What a pointless and negative way for me to view things.
 
It seems as if my W feels a bit more comfortable as well. It seems as if she is more comfortable striking up conversations about the kids or anything for that matter. It sure makes it a lot easier to live under that same roof. There were a couple of situations that occurred yesterday with S14 that could have escalated into a bigger deal between W and me but I didn’t allow myself to get caught in the middle. I feel as if I am doing a much better job at just listening, both to my W and S14. I need to continue this for a longer period of time, so it can become a behavior. It makes everyday so much easier and more enjoyable.
 
Truth be told; it is still tough to look at my beautiful W every day and not be able to just go up to her and give her a hug and a kiss and tell her how much I love her. I often feel like doing that but, it’s getting easier to just put those thoughts aside.
Although I do not start any conversations with her, I do compliment her appearance and thank her for whatever she does for all of us. I hope I’m not crossing the line. 
 
I am focusing more on the moments and positive interactions we do have and appreciating them as opposed to constantly thinking about the “if only she would come around” stuff. It sure makes it easier to get through the lows and the day overall.
 
I find that the lows are not as bad and they pass quite rapidly, I feel the creativity and energy that I have always been known for, coming back consistently. I have to keep this internal momentum going.