Another day...

[aeolianchaos]

I'm trying to change some of my ways not just because it's a 180 but because it's something that needs to change anyways. Flying off the handle isn't exactly the best way to handle my problems.

And these are the best 180s, in my opinion. One thing that seems to be emphasized here is that you do these things for YOU. Get a Life for YOU. Do 180s for YOU.

Its self-centered/self-focused but that doesn't mean you are being self-absorbed. You're just keeping your motivations straight so things like your W's behavior doesn't throw you off your personal path.

To do them for your W, especially while she is doing what she is doing, would be misguided. Do it for you and you'll be able to deal with your situation a lot easier. Also - you do these things to make a positive change in your life and if its positive, you'd like it to stick, wouldn't you?

One of the hardest parts is the images of her being with another guy. That's torture for me. I just don't see how it's done so effortlessly on her part

I hear you, Hollowed. I was there a month and a half ago and its an unpleasant place to be - I think that this is something that is going to take time for you to process on a level that is beneath just thinking. Do you think you could consciously make a decision to compartmentalize these thoughts so they don't interfere with your important work? Your brain will deal with them in time, but really its just information - no urgent threat to your existence. They aren't responsible for your happiness or well being.

One thing I will say, is that you don't know how effortless this is for her. None of us can be inside her head, and she can be putting on a very smooth facade but inside it is probably a lot more stormy. Sometimes those storms run deep inside and they aren't even aware of it for a while.. The fact is, none of us are mind readers - sometimes when we think we are, we can end up making things a lot worse for ourselves and others. I know that is true for me, at least.