same thing happened to me last summer about the same time....
ML with my W at the time.......it was amazing, I couldn't believe it at the time......it was surreal.
Just 7 hours later, she turned on me, said I took advantage of her, tricked her etc. etc. etc.
All the while she was seeing the OM and basically had cheated on him too but did it with me........I bet this is more common than we might even know.
My point to you and to anyone else reading is that you really cannot begin to talk about reconciliation, the past, the present, the future......NOTHING..........
UNTIL
The OTHER PERSON is out of the picture and both people agree on it and have a plan in place to handle when contact occurs because it will occur.......always does.
Why is it that it must be this way? ( IN MY OPINION )
The OP is a violation on TRUST pure and simple.....forget the physical relationship for a moment.........what I have found that hurts people the most.........THE LIES.....
both spoken and unspoken both implied and unintentional both ommission and confession
they all hurt and any continuation will sabotage any reconciliation.
Even if you had not ML with your W and only talked and started to share feelings and thoughts and ideas........it still requires one major thing.......
TRUST
and when she left you she went to him and conversely you had planned to go be with your new woman.......it hurt you both because you both trusted each other again and with that trust came EXPECTATIONS.
When we ML with our spouses/partners it is the ultimate outward expression of TRUST that we place in the other person......we are at our most vulnerable at that point.......it is the one thing we share with only one other person.......that is why cheating is soooooo destructive to a relationship.
I think that the R your W has with the OM is now doomed......
she has pretty much wrecked that and it will implode....give it time.
Be prepared, there will be more outbursts from her......
handle them as you did before and you will be fine.
As for your new woman......that is probably done and really that is probably a good thing, but your W nor anyone else needs to know it........go dark and if your W asks about her then that would be an opportunity to respond to your wife in the following manner when it comes up.....
"The context in which your knowledge of my R with Ow or any other woman would matter is if you are no longer in a R with OM or any other man AND you are GENIUINELY interested in working on US. Until you have no one else in your life, it is simply not healthy for you to be involved in what I am doing and for me not to be involved in what you are doing..........it just causes us both unwanted pain. I am sure we can both agree on that."
And then stick to it.
Hope that helps!!
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
