Is filing for D a 180?

[luvmyhubby]

Kaffe,
Thanks for your response! It was very helpful! for me I have begun to focus on me and my physical health and also mental. I am making plans and new friends and doing things I enjoy such as dancing with friends. I have not really relayed the sitch to many of our friends and he has been staying away from them as well. I am now just enjoying our friends also and not shying away being afraid of what will come. I am also telling them that there are issues when they ask how things are. Im being honest not too informative..

I think my biggest thing for the GAL process is that I didnt do certain things i liked because he wasnt involved. I am now just doing them like dancing, photography and even a weekend job bartending weddings on occasion.
The bartending is a bit hard with all of the lovey dovey stuff that happens but I do okay. It isnt a dream of mine just a way to get out of the house and some extra cash.

My mom has been over me in a sense my whole life and we lived with her and she has lived with us most of my marriage. I am sort of forcing her away so that I can be my own woman and mother without her input. Seems very weird because i always throught of myself as a strong woman who didnt need anyone. I see now that I was dependent on my mom in some way or another and she did tell me what to do. Weird enough I listened without flinching in a way too.. I guess I grew up to always do whatever I had to do for my family and I was still doing it but for the wrong family..

It is hard because I dont have my H and my mother is gone too but I am growing personally every day by leaps and bounds. This is a huge 180 for me and I like who i am and who I am becoming more and more.. I told my mother this weekend that she needed to find another place to live if she could. In a nice way of course and every suggestion or negative comment she gives gets ignored or verbally disregarded. She still doesnt get that she is trying to control but that is her journey not mine..

For the future how do I plan to keep things going and what do I see? I see me making my choices for my children and myself not for anyone else. If a choice is good for me but someone doesnt like it I have the courage to say too bad!
I like to hunt and fish and these are things we did as a family. I do plan to continue this with my children and myself regardless of who is in my life. I can do these things myself even if I fail it will be all my failure..

I have wanted to travel for work more but I was scared to before because I was a mother and a wife to a H with a busy company. Now I know this is my career and I can choose and now he must pickup the slack that I had to pickup for so long. I will no longer carry all of that burden and if he chooses not to. Ill worry about that then..

He didnt call or check on the kids all weekend but I didnt bother him at all. My brothers called him together on Sat. and apparently he couldnt speak all he did was cry. I found this out by accident while hanging out with my brother this weekend. I didnt pry or ask anymore questions i just left it. My H isnt a cryer but during this process he has shed a ton of tears so I know he is hurting but I cannot help his pain I know that. He sent me a text at midnight to tell me he would pick the kids up this morning he just got back into town and he showed up early.
He wont look at me again though, only quick glances. He leaves the room where I am if he can help it. I did ask him if he had a good weekend and he said yeah it was okay...


So my thinking is that you are right I will do nothing to help the D along however I wont stop it. I dont know if telling him he can do whatever he chooses to do regarding dating is that R talk? Im okay with telling him that I just dont want to add any fuel to his fire..

I know this is a process but I hate that one minute Im good with moving on. Then something happens a memory comes by and slaps me and im back to hoping the man i know and love will come back. I know better but sometimes i cant stop my mind from running around.. I dont call him or anything..

I do pray a lot and even if we end up getting a D and i move on that maybe one day this great man will come back. Also that I will be in a place to accept him..

How do you handle the contact between you and your W when you see her? Does she look at you or act as if you arent even there?