I can't even finish reading the thread....Literally
and btw, I never said "forgiveness is unconditional", not b/c I don't believe it
but b/c I'm not sure what it means.
I say forgiveness (letting go) is essential to US being happy, (with or without the spouses...)
SIGH...
Your w has the strongest case of projection I've seen...maybe, ever....
oh, and she's a hypocrite. A hypocrite with nerve, and a foul mouth...
(does she kiss your kids' goodnight with that mouth?)
Stop the contact, or be as wacky as she sounds. Don't get contaminated by these interactions, or you'll never have a healthy loving woman in your life.
We (yes WE, we "healthy loving" women) don't like crazy drama in our love lives.
That's what we have wacky friends and cool jobs for...
Just - DO NOT ENGAGE WITH HER...SHE'S NOT WELL
AND YOU WON'T BE WELL EITHER, IF YOU KEEP ON TALKING TO HER
ANYONE WHO SLEEPS WITH OM FOR OVER A YEAR
AND THEN GIVES YOU CRAP FOR TAKING A WOMAN ON A BOAT W/Your son, ( as if sonS would NEVER meet OW
b/c you'd never have another woman in your life again??) IS AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT NUTS...Leave it at that...
am I being clear?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I should not have initiated the ML thing today. Got caught up and really didnt think she would.
9
9,
Yes, you always seem to "get caught up." So does your wife. You two are toxic toward each other, at least in the way you interact. VERY reactive; VERY passive-aggressive.
The best thing the two of you could do would be to take six months, apart, and really use the time for IC and to learn and grow, on your own. No one (or two, or even four or five) mistakes DBing will kill it, that's the beauty -- its resilience. But you DON'T get to have 15 or 20 chances, emotionally just reacting and doing the same wrong things over and over and over again, lamely stating "Well, I felt that ..."
No Starsky, I havent been smart for the most part in fact I have been very very dumb. I have had this image of something that I wanted back so badly but I know its not there and may have never been there. I dont know her anymore and May have never known her.
I dont know what else to say at this point. I guess I could update.
I was walking my dog actually trying to find her to talk to her one last time. She will not talk to me now. Which I guess is a blessing.
I even walked past to where her boyfriend works and I said to myself, if I see her van outside there, thats my final closure.
Sure enough, there it was, but now it gets better.
Her boyfriend came out to confront me.
OM: YOu forced yourself on top of her 9
M; Is that what she said?
OM: She said you forced yourself on top of her
M: We made love , yes.
OM: BS, she would never make love to you, she is repulsed by u OM: You are a low life piece of scum. You manipulate her so much, you force her to do that. Like you have all along.
The bruises on her legs, that making love.
( I am just about to lose it)
M: First of all dont you say my name, you arent worthy to say my name, secondly, who is the effing piece of dung that cheated on his wife when she was pregnant and preyed on a weak, sick woamn.
OM: I didnt love my wife, but you raped yours throughout your marriage.
M: Is that what happened . We were married for 17 years, I suppose that was rape. Why am i even justifying this to a piece of shlt like yourself.
YOu know what , I cant even go on with this conversation. I am officially done with my wife. There is no point in going on ANY longer.
She told him that she was repulsed by my hair,( hairy greek body) and that she regretted marrying me on our wedding night. That she NEVER loved me and it goes on.
I DONT need to be hit with anymore 2x4's. I handled the DBing poorly and really there is nothing left for me and her. She is a sick woman and maybe she will get healthy and find happiness but I dont know.
I dont care anymore. She has said way to much negative things and I cant trust her again ever. She will try and make my life a living hell I am sure but I guess thats what i can expect.
Thanks to all that have helped here. You are trully an Amazing bunch of people. God bless to all of you and I will be back again to check up but I think, I need a break from all this.
Its tough to swallow that your entire marriage has been a lie and that the woman you would have died for NEVER loved you. ITs such a tough pill to swallow right now.
I guess he will ruin my potential relationship with new Ow for me as well. OM said he will tell her what has happened between us.
I guess thats what she meant when she said that very soon she will do some things to me. I guess in the end I deserve it.
I am so weak for her that I slept with her depsite all my GAL and trying to move on. I guess I became a cheater too.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Sorry, but that's just more passive-aggressive b.s., Nine. You either COMPLETELY PURSUE or, your you just say "F it -- I'm done."
If that's what you truly want, that's fine -- you'd certainly be justified. But I think you still love your wife, and I think she still loves you. Saying she's "never loved you," as you know, is just b.s. re-writing of marital history, and you know that, if you've done any studying of infidelity (have you??).
This is still very much save-able, Nine, but that's up to you. I'd suggest that you do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for 30 days, if you can pull it off. Cool off, think, pray if you're so inclined. Nothing good, decision-wise, can come out of a place of such hot emotion.
Nine - You and I are so much alike it's crazy. We have both done crappy jobs of dbing. We both are WAY to much involved in what our W do. We are both passive-aggressive and likely always were.
The only difference between our S now, is that my STBX is now fully entrenched in her relationship with OM. So, I have finally no longer been given any choice, other than to give up and say I am done. As soon, I did that, my anger and hate came rising up to the boiling point. If you really are at the point of being done, please be prepared for the anger and the hate. STBX's 8 year affair likely makes mine worse than yours, but since you and I are so much alike, I need to warn you.
At the very least, go dark again. 100% completely and totally dark. Remember how much better it was when we had our darkness pact? Go there. Now.
same thing happened to me last summer about the same time....
ML with my W at the time.......it was amazing, I couldn't believe it at the time......it was surreal.
Just 7 hours later, she turned on me, said I took advantage of her, tricked her etc. etc. etc.
All the while she was seeing the OM and basically had cheated on him too but did it with me........I bet this is more common than we might even know.
My point to you and to anyone else reading is that you really cannot begin to talk about reconciliation, the past, the present, the future......NOTHING..........
UNTIL
The OTHER PERSON is out of the picture and both people agree on it and have a plan in place to handle when contact occurs because it will occur.......always does.
Why is it that it must be this way? ( IN MY OPINION )
The OP is a violation on TRUST pure and simple.....forget the physical relationship for a moment.........what I have found that hurts people the most.........THE LIES.....
both spoken and unspoken both implied and unintentional both ommission and confession
they all hurt and any continuation will sabotage any reconciliation.
Even if you had not ML with your W and only talked and started to share feelings and thoughts and ideas........it still requires one major thing.......
TRUST
and when she left you she went to him and conversely you had planned to go be with your new woman.......it hurt you both because you both trusted each other again and with that trust came EXPECTATIONS.
When we ML with our spouses/partners it is the ultimate outward expression of TRUST that we place in the other person......we are at our most vulnerable at that point.......it is the one thing we share with only one other person.......that is why cheating is soooooo destructive to a relationship.
I think that the R your W has with the OM is now doomed......
she has pretty much wrecked that and it will implode....give it time.
Be prepared, there will be more outbursts from her......
handle them as you did before and you will be fine.
As for your new woman......that is probably done and really that is probably a good thing, but your W nor anyone else needs to know it........go dark and if your W asks about her then that would be an opportunity to respond to your wife in the following manner when it comes up.....
"The context in which your knowledge of my R with Ow or any other woman would matter is if you are no longer in a R with OM or any other man AND you are GENIUINELY interested in working on US. Until you have no one else in your life, it is simply not healthy for you to be involved in what I am doing and for me not to be involved in what you are doing..........it just causes us both unwanted pain. I am sure we can both agree on that."
And then stick to it.
Hope that helps!!
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
9, I just got caught up on all of this drama. Whew! It was entertaining in a twisted sort of way. I think it was the way you told it.
I'm always looking for the positives, and I saw that it sounds like she's observed some of the DB'ing you've been doing. Also, you at least KNOW she's not healthy. Hopefully she's getting the help she needs. It may take awhile for any meds to straighten her out.
It does sound like you were playing with fire and got burned.
I'm going to agree with the others. I think you two need to take a time out, i.e. no contact, and let the dust settle after this explosion.
