Walking in Muskeg - Part IV - Squishy Rubber Boots

[Queen_of_Swords]

OK--I HAVE GOT to comment on that birthday "hug" scenario.

My H did this too the first time--hugged my sister, my stepmother, my FRIENDS, before he ever hugged me. Seemed like it was something he did to totally annoy me at the time. Heck he fawned over the DOGS!! I remember feeling like EVERYONE was more important and more lovable than I was. OK--fast forward to now. My H would NEVER hug my friends or relatives. Because he is truly "done" and there is no hope in his mind that they will accept him back. None.

So you're saying somehow this is a positive sign? He's still comfortable enough to be around people that do love me. Is that what you're getting at?

Interesting perspective. One I'd not thought of, because honestly it feels like another slap in the face.

They have a lot of guilt to overcome--they are the "bad guys" in this scenario. And you are, at times, helping to heap LOTs of guilt his way. If you continue to do that, I am sure he will truly be gone.

Right now, at this moment LauraOh, I consider him truly gone. It's just a matter of finishing dividing assets and me becominng fully self supporting.
He is my co-parent. Not my friend or someone that even likes/cares who I am.

There are some blatant positives in your sitch SC. I know you can't see them--you are really a tough cookie to reach at times. Your H has a hard time getting back into your world because of YOU in many ways.

No doubt about that at all. I am who I am. I can change my behaviour, but my basic character remains. Sux to be me.

And I pray you quickly lose the "he never loved me" attitude. It puts you into "victim" mode and your kids will "hear" that loud and clear.

I don't see it that way, of course. I see it as acceptance that I made a critical error in my life at quite a young age. An error that will be difficult to recover from in many areas of my life. My responsibility. Yeah I screwed up.

And "victim mentality" will spill into a lot more of their life than you can imagine. Please think about that.

Of course I don't see that I'm a victim here , not at the moment. I made a lot of bad choices. I accept that my choices have consquences.


I realise I'm rapidly cycling in an out of emotional states right now. I'm in a holding pattern for 72 hours until I have time to think about any action I may want to take or may be advisable.

Feeling as I do now, I want to do all sorts of things. For now, I'm sitting on my hands and just breathing and meditating.