My Final Chapter

[2stepboogie]

If you can at least look at this as a a do over. You do actually have the opportunity for a possible fresh start. Faith, I don't know if I can have a fresh start. Assuming what she said about OM is true I would have something to think about but I don't trust it completely. She sounded honest on the phone. A comment she said to me

I am many things, a liar is not one of them.

This is very true.

I actually hear what she's saying. Do I believe a 100% of it? No, but I'll give it 50%. I actually hear what she is saying also and I would say about 50% is an accurate assessment. Still I have my own issues to work through and I think it is waaaaaay to early to make any assumptions. I really like where I'm at emotionally right now.

Again, let her come to you. She walked out, she has to walk back. Keep handling the calls with a calm approach. One thing you have to stop is the finger pointing. You said it, She knows it; any more talk about it is a pi$$ing contest. Move forward, don't revisit it until she does her work and actually tries to walk back into a relationship with you(If you choose to). Only then can you figure out what to do differently from the past. You are working on it already, she hasn't even begun.

I realize I have to stop the finger pointing but I have lots of unresolved issues regarding this. Among them is WTF are we talking for? We are divorced! A little for small talk don't you think? I will practice what I preach and treat every exchange going forward with kindness and compassion but I am in NO mood for games.

I think she genuinely feels bad and she's angry. You have a long road ahead, but I think there is a strong chance she might come back with an apology and attempt something new. You have a great opportunity to really evaluate yourself and really figure out what you want. Tough choices ahead for you bud. Just keep stepping forward until a clearer picture appears. Yes she is angry but like she says more at life than me at this point. I have to figure out what I want and I don't know what is really going on here. Awhile back you read some of my old threads. How far did you go? 3 hour convo's for us is not uncommon so I don't see this as anything unusual for us. Just another convo.

Oh I forgot, and how was Transformers 3?

Not bad but the other two were better. Long a$$ movie though.

Twostep,

I have not posted much but I have been reading...

I know you are always around Cat, never far away.

Interesting turn of events to say the least...

You think? I just look at it as more conversations although at this point I don't see the need in having them.

Whether you want to reconcile or not, there is no need to keep beating a dead horse...

I agree with this 1000% percent. I need to watch myself.

You know how I feel about your W, about her actually being done or not...

I sure do

Hope you have a great 4th!!!

Same to you Cat!!

Yes, people in NJ most definitely get divorced. Some even try to save their M's. For themselves, for their commitments, for their kids. How many actually get saved, who knows?

Well how about that, a fellow fist pumper!! Just kidding. How nice. Two DBers from Jersey!!! I am going to start a NJ DB colony!!

Saving yourself is the biggest gift. And saving yourself means saving your kids.

This is completely true and my number focus at the moment.

and I could not do it while I was so mad at you.

From that whole thing you went through with her this is the most important thing you should hear.

Why is that Gritter? Cause it shows intent? It shows she is not done? I've heard it all before.

2X4's? Now is the time you should be swinging them at yourself.

I would, but since I did that for months I just don't have the energy to swing them at myself anymore so I would rather just sit here and let you guys have some fun.

Anything we might say you will just shake your head and say I know.

Because you do know. Or you should.

The one thing I observed 2 is that you started out not returning her communication.

Yes you are right Gritter I ignored the call and 5 text messages and responded the next day when I had some free time. It was about D and I did not want to leave her hanging. She left, She filed, She followed through BUT she is not a cruel person and I was not going to just shut her off either.

You started out saying you were doing it to ptotect your D.

This is also very true and as we spoke I said I would discuss it with D to see what would be the best coarse of action. D wants to see her but D is 11 yrs old and misses her. I don't want to hurt D in the process but I have to watch out for her, I am still on the fence.

Then you argued about it with her and then you gave in to letting your D see her.

I don't know your real intention only you do. But if it WAS to protect your D then what has changed now other than your W and you had a talk about regret and she cried etc?

No not regret, and it has not changed. The argument started about D but quickly changed to us, however we discussed it and while I have not committed I did budge because it might be the right thing to do. I am not looking to use the sitch to my advantage or to DB or anything like that, honestly ALL I want to do is what is best for my D. That is it.


Consistency 2.

So I will ask the question again:

Under what circumstances and/or conditions will you let your W back in your D's and your life?

Based on what Gritter? Based on this exchange? I am not sure that it should even be considered at this point.

Do you need to be part of that confusion? Does your D?

I am not.

i dont think you need a 2x4. you know what it was, and what you did. it definitely wasnt strong DBing, but i think some of those things needed to be said. and some of those digs probably felt good to say.

Ken they were honestly not intended as digs it was basically cleaning out the attic. I have been holding things for so long based on fear that some things needed to get let out. Now I don't have that fear. What is the worse she can do? Divorce me? Oh wait she has. I don't need to be cruel or mean but I needed to let some stuff out, I did and its over with.

Today I took the kiddos to the Brooklyn Aquarium and while I was in the house they were in the car waiting for me. She called D on her phone. When I went outside D told me she called and that they talked for a few minutes about what she wanted to do while she was in OK. D was pretty excited and I was ok with that. On the drive to Brooklyn I get the following text from X

X: Happy 4th! Have fun in the city!

X: Be sure and be careful not to get in the way of any fireworks……..Wouldn’t want u to get lit on fire!!! LOL : ) hahahaha….I am so funny I crack myself up! Lol

M: Happy 4th to you as well. I’m sure that would break your heart, so don’t worry we will be at a safe distance.

X: Ok thank goodness….No lol??? I thought I would at least get a chuckle out of that….I’m still laughing.

M: It’s the small things in life that give you pleasure

X: Hmmm well either ur being honest and u are smarter than I thought or…..Ur being a smartass

X: But either way u r right….lol

No response from me.

Who knows what is going on in that mind of hers..............