I did send her a text message yesterday shortly after finding out when i was reacting about the A.
Here it is: Me I am trying very hard to be strong. I think you need to tell your parents and sister what's going on..
Me I will communicate for now with you by text
Me Do you need time alone to think?
Her I guess because I don't rely on my parents like you... I don't feel the need to tell them everything all the time.
Me It's time to tell them the truth, or are you too ashamed to talk to them?
Me This is a very major thing. I think they have the right to know what is happening. They are your parents. They will find out eventually do you want to be in control of the message they hear?
Her If YOU feel the need to call them, do it.
Me it's not about what I need
Me it's about honoring your parents and being honest with them.
Her I will when I have stuff thought out.
Me k
Me I will do my best to give you the time and space you need.
Me The only thing I ask from you is that you cut off completetly your relationship with your boyfriend. Out of respect for me, the kids and yourself.
Me Also I need to know what you are "thinking" about?
Me Are you thinking about my request?
Me I will make it very clear for you:
Her Am thinking about lots of stuff.
Me 1. give up and know for the rest of your life that you didn't try Or 2. Make an effort to rebuild a new marriage, that is based on trust, respect and a new love for each other.
Me Will you break it off with him?
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
Back off or you will push her further away than she already is and possibly into a deeper relationship with OM.
Listen to what she is saying to you. Listen to what Sandi is saying to you from your W's perspective.
BACK OFF! At least for a few days at the minimum. You asked for what you wanted again. Now give it some time and leave her alone. Repetition and pressure is not going to make her change her mind right now and it will WASTE your emotional energy.
And texting her only? Punitive IMO. WTF Johnnie? Be a man who is confident in his actions and knows what he wants. Be someone one who is in control of his emotions and radiate confidence. Let her feel safe that your not going to ram this down her throat every freaking day. Time is what you need right now. Focus on you and become someone she is stupid to leave. Your "words" right now are not benefiting your goals.
You said you had meetings coming up with your Priest, Therapist, etc. How bout you don't say anything again to her until at LEAST you have talked to them? Can you make it that long at least?
So apart from the conversation on the porch swing in the morning first thing, that is everything.
So. I am simply going to keep my contact with her to a minimum. Not rude, but not cheerful or outgoing either. I will wait for her to approach me.
I do feel that my reactions were genuine and I am entitled to my feelings, and the anger that will come soon too.. I promise to leave the house when I feel anger. A nice long walk will clear my head.
I don't know how I will be able to trust in her though. It will always run through my mind when she leaves "is she going out to see him?".
Just the thought of another man touching her drives me crazy.
How do I deal with that?
I bought the book "not just friends" today. I'm am 180 pages in. It is a very good book.
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
Ty faith. This text message is from yesterday morning and is the only contact we have had since the disclosure.
I have been dark all day, reading at my sisters. My W says very little, if anything at all. Anytime I try to have an open conversation, even b4 we had trouble, she wouldn't open up.
At one point i asked her to talk and I waited 2 minutes of silence (it felt like an eternity) yesterday morning to give her a chance to speak. Finally she said "what!". In other words she is emotionally closed and has been for some time.
It's pretty tough to be confident when I've had the rug pulled out from under me several times. Just when I feel like I can show some confidence, another bomb drops.
I was a very confident man before all this happened, when I was secure in my R ..
How do I get that swagger back?
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
It's pretty tough to be confident when I've had the rug pulled out from under me several times. Just when I feel like I can show some confidence, another bomb drops.
I was a very confident man before all this happened, when I was secure in my R ..
How do I get that swagger back?
I know Johnnie. I know. I'm not expecting you to just magically pull this out of a hat right now.
You literally have to force yourself to go to the gym, eat, be happy with the kids, etc. Right now it's all time related. Time.
I will say you will take an emotional hit everytime you say or ask her anything right now. Hoping she will answer you is not what you need. Knowing that you are challenging yourself through this to remain strong will get that swagger back. It's just horrible for a little while. Keep posting. Vent here. Ask your questions. Anything to relieve the pressure cooker of pain and quietly handle this.
J1, Stop looking for answers... You've set your boundary... Now all you can do is wait.
You will not get answers! Not now...
DUDE, I'VE BEEN THERE... ITS KILLING YOU LIK IT DID ME!!!
BUT YOU MUST STOP TEXTING!!!
Everything you do appears weak... I know I know, it's killing you...
Even the tone in her texts tells me that she is not swayed by your pleas...
You've set your boundary and you've shown strength in doing so...
Now it's time to WAIT an act "as if"...
It's your only chance dude!!!
PLEASE STOP ANY AND ALL COMMUNICATION!!!
You have a chance, but continued pressure will blow it...
I know your pain... Youre looking for something, anything to hold on to! You will not find hope right now so stop asking her for it...
STOP STOP STOP!!!
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
I went out many times without her knowing where... I GAL...
I went to the movies several times alone, went to work out...
Anything I could do to show her that my life would go on without her...
At one point early on she asked the following...
"Please tell me if you are seeing someone else so I can do the same."
It pi$$ed me off thy she said that but I knew what I was doing was working...
It's time to live for you J1...
It will not be easy but it is doable...
As far as keeping your sanity, it's no easy... I went on meda for 3 days before deciding that she wasn't worth it... I tossed them in the trash and never took another...
Its about controlling yourself and not letting someone else control you...
There was a time that you didnt know her... That you didn't need her...
Find that man, and be that man!!
Do it for yourself!!!
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
What I meant to say was I went on medication for 3 days...
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
