I am so lost... Please someone help me!

[sandi2]

Sadbuthappy has spoke the truth, and he learned most of that first hand. There are many here that can share your desparate feelings. I, on the other hand, identify more with the WAW in an EA.

There are so many questions I have for her. I don't know why I feel this need to know the painful details.

If you mean details about the EA, just remember that the more you find out...the harder it will be for the brain not to play over & over.

But now I do know why she dropped the letter bomb. It is clear to me that she wanted out to peruse EA, and wants to begin her new life.

I am trying to understand if her tears were because she was upset at being caught, or ashamed and guilty... Does she have remourse? I just don't know. I suppose I am trying to get any ray of light I can find right now. Does her tears show her that she still has feelings for the M?

Only she can answer your questions, but I can maybe give you one side. As Sadbuthappy said, the WAW who is an EA doesn't usually have remorse, guilt, or shamed feelings. Even if she agrees to stop the EA and stay in the M, she will not have the emotions that you so despartely want her to have. In time, she may, but it will take a long time.

Where do I go now?

Do you still want to save the M?

What will I say to her when we can both talk?

Here's the thing, Johnnie, you need to just listen to what she says, and don't worry about your part of the conversation. It is important for you to look her in the eyes and really listen, instead of you trying to fix things with a vocabulary. I know how hard that can be, b/c that is the type personality I have always had. But I've learned that it can't be all fixed in a talk. It has to be lived....a little step at a time until you get there.

When will we be able to talk?

Depends upon what type of talk you want to have.

I have to stop for a while, but I'll get back later.