OK--I HAVE GOT to comment on that birthday "hug" scenario.
My H did this too the first time--hugged my sister, my stepmother, my FRIENDS, before he ever hugged me. Seemed like it was something he did to totally annoy me at the time. Heck he fawned over the DOGS!! I remember feeling like EVERYONE was more important and more lovable than I was.
OK--fast forward to now. My H would NEVER hug my friends or relatives. Because he is truly "done" and there is no hope in his mind that they will accept him back. None.
They have a lot of guilt to overcome--they are the "bad guys" in this scenario. And you are, at times, helping to heap LOTs of guilt his way. If you continue to do that, I am sure he will truly be gone.
There are some blatant positives in your sitch SC. I know you can't see them--you are really a tough cookie to reach at times. Your H has a hard time getting back into your world because of YOU in many ways.
And I pray you quickly lose the "he never loved me" attitude. It puts you into "victim" mode and your kids will "hear" that loud and clear.
And "victim mentality" will spill into a lot more of their life than you can imagine. Please think about that.
