After events last night I have come to understand that when my WAH said he was "done" a little shy of two years ago, he meant it and that has not changed, I no longer believe it can. Too much time has passed.
There is no acceptance for who I am as a person, no love for me. I had sincerely believed and hoped there was some small crumb of regard,affection, or fondness in his heart remaining for me, for what we shared. I was wrong to believe or hope for that. All I am to my WAH is a mother to our children. That is the extent and limit of my positive role to him. Otherwise, he believes he is my victim and I his persecutor.
That's the reality. and I have no choice now but to accept it.
Where I go from here I don't yet know. All the DB'ing in the world won't change what is or his feelings about me...I guess it's not realistic after this long to even believe it's possible.
I do know that to push for D even with this knowledge is not in my or my children's best interest.
I need to go to ground for a while think and reorient myself to these truths.
It may be time to go pitch black. I don't know yet
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
