I feel like a selfish jerk, sometimes. When I catch myself appearing as though I won't try to earn a significant earning because I don't want my M to be based on money, that it MUST be based on LOVE alone.
Who am I hurting with that thought, that action? My kids, my W, my M, myself...
I rationalize it eventually, believing that with LOVE and PATIENCE, I will become a major if not primary wage earner in the household... if only my W were to just give it a chance... stick with the M and let me get to that place...
Choosing an EA (and possible PA)... to "opt out" of the M... even though we are not D at this time... I feel that's cruel and unusual punishment. Yet, if I do not change, then I can appreciate that my W is finally considering that I may NEVER change and so is pursuing a life without me.
I would just like to hear her words... not the "I really believed this was the one" (the financial opportunity) as though I had finally confirmed that I WAS a failure... but rather "I hoped that was the one, and it wasn't, but there will be other opportunities and I believe in you..."
Anyhow...
Interesting about the $73K (or similar) stat.
My W has not really indicated firmly that she would like me to be the primary wage earner. Although I could say there has been times when my W has said something to the effect that she does not know where her next career move might be, that she had wished she could have been around more for the kids, how she might consider a career change to be more with the kids and doing something new... and so perhaps there is some resentment there, that I have not stepped up to compensate so that she could more comfortably consider those options...
And I have sensed a bit of resentment, that I have that perceived "freedom". Yes, it is a freedom, but swords generally come with two edges. Being able to do what I want, when I want, is freedom. But when I exercise that freedom, I am not earning money... and then I have to work hard to try to catch up.
Regarding "corporate commitment", there is certainly a sense of who I am. My upbringing and beliefs. A certain negativity, to some degree. I have to admit that, given the "small business" mentality and lifestyle I have lived for most of my life, I am now at a point where I am more receptive to corporate life. That there is certainly value to be part of the corporate machine.
I have the fortune to be at a place I am, that I can consider a full career (20 years) before I would consider semi-retirement again. For that reason, I am not opposed to going in that direction. I'm looking seriously at all my options at this time.
