So would it be fair of me to ask if PATIENCE would be a 180 that might have good results?
I understand you feel highly tuned to your wife and believe she is noticing the changes. The question remains, will she TRUST the changes will stick and are permanent? That can only come from TIME as she will process things AT HER PACE.
The WAS sets the pace in these sitches, NOT us. And generally, they do not do well under pressure. They often pull further away. No matter how much and how fast you want the R, for all intents and purposes, that will completely depend on your W and HER time frame.
Something further to continue is, you indicate that your W has been in and out of EAs over a period of time (with an ex only? for the duration of your M, to date?).
I am sure you appreciate there is some reason this is ongoing. Is there something about your wife when you KNOW she has gone back to the EA? And if so, can you go to that time and examine what may have been happening within the M that may have brought the EA back?
Because an A is not a CAUSE, it is an EFFECT or "SYMPTOM" of an underlying problem with the M that has not been resolved.
Perhaps your W was never ALL IN to the M in the first place and she feels she has "unfinished business". Or perhaps she's addicted to him and that is something that needs to be addressed.
Because even if your W chooses to leave the EA now and return back to status quo (with your changes that have stuck), do you really believe the changes will be enough to ensure that your W will NEVER get into another EA? While the EA may not have anything to do about YOU, rather they are your W's choice, the question would be... why does she move towards him? How can you be a much stronger magnet that will draw her towards you? How can you be a man that only a fool would leave? Or is your wife just a fool?
That is something to consider looking at, while you choose PATIENCE to see if your 180s have stuck.
You asked if your W will notice your changes. I am being facetious when I ask "wouldn't YOU know?" Because the changes should show up in the subtle changes to your W's behaviour that you are quick to notice?
Here's the thing... We cannot mind read. We can extrapolate behaviour and changes therein, to better guess about what your spouses might be thinking. But we never know.
There are many observations where, when pressure is applied to an object, there is a perceived (or real) change in direction. But when the original direction has deep roots or is influenced by a stronger gravity, and the pressure is let off, there will be a tendency for that object to revert back to the old path.
There is something deeper than just making changes and observing results. It's called FAITH!
Will your W notice the changes? If the changes are REAL (not a trick or ploy) and PERMANENT (only through time, with practice and vigilance), your W WILL notice. Have FAITH in that. And note that even if the changes are real and permanent and your W notices... that does not mean she will choose to return to you.
And if your W does want to rec... the DB can not stop. Or all is likely to be for naught and your M will continue down the pattern that has already been established. The next time... who knows...?
And what about plan B? If your W does not come around this time. If your M does end up in D... what are some things you are doing FOR YOU, that will make you a better catch and will result in a better, more healthy R with someone in the future?
