ughh this week has been so draining. H moved into his new place, and therefore couldn't come to see the kids at all which also means I don't get any breaks at all.. He just called me to tell me he had someone offer to buy our boat, so he thought we should probably do it. That means he REALLY doesn't see us having a future together as he says there is nowhere for us to even put the boat anymore as his new house is too small - no where to put it. I can't help but think that its time to just throw in the towel. I haven't had hope for several months now. His decision to move out of his Mum's (huge) house into his own place just feels so permanent. He has started bringing up division of property etc. I guess thats it, I guess he's finally decided to just end things. he called me this morning for the first time in ages to tell me about the boat and to tell me that he wasn't coming to see the kids again tonight b/c he has to be home for the gas guy to hook up the gas. He seems so happy now, which of course makes me feel like crap. I don't know how to do 180's anymore. I don't know how to be bright and cheery when i see or talk to him. I am just very down this week and he sees that. I don't know how to GAL any more than what I am already doing since I only get a break for about 30 minutes on the nights that he does come, and some saturdays. When I actually am doing stuff he never really sees it.
Did lots of fun stuff with the kids this weekend, esp since Friday was a holiday for us. H missed everything. As usual. I'm so grateful for my children and my girlfriends and I am trying really hard at this point to figure out a way to get over him and just feel better. Feel like I used to. Not feel broken. I am trying to convince myself that this is all his loss, and eventually - hopefully - i will find someone else who blows my mind and makes me wonder why I stayed with H so long. I'm trying. Most days it doesn't work though frown I'm actually okay when I haven't seen or spoke to him for a while, but then when we do see each other, all my emotions come flooding back.

What should I do now? Its clearly over. Any suggestions on how to start rebuilding my life. Pleading for some support right now.

H:36 W:34
M:6y, T:14y
S:5, S:2
Separated (H left): Oct/10