This is why I'm never in favor of communicated deadlines to a wayward spouse (I AM in favor of internal ones, just for your own sanity): because, inevitably, if you give a cheating spouse, say, 30 days, on the 29th day they will come to you and promise you the moon and the stars for more time, and they're "really close to coming home," etc., etc.
But since you've already done that, and you DID give her a deadline, I think you'd be making a HUGE mistake if you now "gave her all the time and the space she needs." You'll lose all credibility with her.
Her time is up, and you've lived up to your end of the bargain. It's gotta either be "all in" or nothing at all, in my opinion. Personally, I think she's just panicked and needs rescuing, and is nowhere near ready to give up OM, but maybe that's just me.
Is she willing to write him a no-contact letter, and let you read it and deliver it, and then be fully transparent with you, and get into good MCing with a counselor who has specific training with infidelity?
