Kaffe I do hear what your saying and a lot of it makes sense.
I agree I do focus on my W a lot, probably too much, but that doesn't mean I'm not focusing on me as well.
It really hasn't been enough time to as of yet for the 180's to stick, but I do know in my heart for me they have. I base this on previous complaints she had and once I got it, I got it. I'm almost obsessive with myself when it is something I really want. I really want to get back to the person I was many years ago.
As far as the GAL and being "more of the same" I would have to disagree with that. For one she never really had a problem with me having a life until it got out of control. Then I immediately put a stop to that. Long story, but it was fixed and we never had an issue with it again. If I were to make changes with the GAL I would be at home going crazy and not spending time with friends, out golfing, boating, and such. Actually Chuck, my DB coach thinks I'm doing very well in the GAL category.
My 180 that had to change was my constant scrutinizing, jealousy, anger, lack of trust, lack of encouragement, controlling, basically I haven't allowed this woman to be herself and no wonder why she chose to no longer love me and was so miserable. These are all things that have changed. For example yesterday when I asked her if she had fun the night before and she replied she didn't go out. I am almost positive she did, however I just took her answer and said oh I'm sorry you didn't get out and have a good time. The old me would have pushed and pried to get the real answer. Even though I believe she did go out, I had to assume she had her reasons for not telling me.
The biggest issue I am having is will my wife notice my changes. If so will she allow herself to put her guard down and explore the possibility of a reconciliation. I don't know the answer to that as she only does. I know I have only been doing LTR for about a week with a couple slips early into it. I did read somewhere that by doing this it gives her time to grieve, think, and such. However, I do not think that is going to happen because she is so distracted. Given we have been separated 3 weeks and papers filed for 2 weeks and in this time she has never been alone to think. The 1st 2 weeks she was talking to a friend nightly about her brother and his problems in her down time for an a couple hours until she would go to sleep. She is done with that and moved on to some guy she met on eharmony and talks with him on a nightly basis for a couple hours until its time to go to sleep. How is she going to grieve this way? I really do believe I am going to one of the people that DB does not work for, but at the same time I do have hope. Nonetheless whatever happens and how this plays out I will be fine and I will be me.
