J1, I know exactly what you're going through and I am so sorry for your pain.
You can't sleep, eat, work... You're consumed by thoughts of W laughing, playing with, connecting with OP.
I know, I was there 8 months ago... Pacing, mind racing, scheming, thinking of ways to fix this...
But the only thing that will fix this is TIME!!! So TRY to relax even though I know it's almost impossible.
I laid down the same boundary you did/will... That I will not live in an open marriage. That doing so would create a twisted lifestyle that I refuse to be a part of...
I told her if she CHOOSE to continue her R with OM than she would need to leave the bed right away and the home within 30 days. BUT if she CHOOSE to stay we could work on our M...
Eight months later we are together. She decided that her family is worth more than her A. During that time I decided to trust but verify (which means you really don't trust). I installed a key logger on the computer, checked her texts on the phone AND the numbers on line, checked the phone database to see what email she was going to (that's right, she set up a secret email), checked her work to make sure she was there... I never once caught her in a lie. But you can't get caught checking up on her...
I was ready to kick her out if she was continuing a R with OM. And that's where you really need to be IF you choose to set a boundary.
Its not just "set it and forget it"...
It's SET IT...
CHECK SND CONFIRM...
AND ACT ON ANY RESULTS CALMLY BUT FIRMLY...
There is a saying that I used to believe...
"The person that cares the least had the most control..."
I no longer believe that though...
I believe...
"The person that stays rational and calm has the most control."
Do what's right for J1... And start by working through this pain...
It does get easier... Trust us... We have been exactly where you are...
Good luck my friend...
SBH, it's nice to hear a success story. I admire the stand you took for your marriage, and for fidelity.
