I am so lost... Please someone help me!

[25yearsmlc]

I called the OM and asked him to back off, and to think long and hard about the 4 lives that were being destroyed.

I also calked her sister to give her a heads up, as to what's happening. I asked her sister to keep it in confidence.

I called her friend that knows our sitch, and gave her a heads up to know that my W may need support today.

I know I am not following the things I am "supposed to do" but I have no idea what else I can do, nothing else has worked so far.


what do you think you HAVE tried? (Not DBing....for sure) Johnie, you have to STOP AND THINK BEFORE

YOU blurt out. Now you have told at least 2 people about OM and this is Not just pressure

this is a shaming technique that ALWAYS BACKFIRES...

makes you look punitive, out of control and vindictive..


also makes her have to defend her choices.

If you were my h, I'd feel pushed into OM's arms even more



I will not give up on my marriage without fighting for it.

Then fight intelligently, with thought and insight and CONTROL of yourself.

TRY DBing...(for once)

Even though she has betrayed me, in the most inimaginable way possible, I still love her. I know with time and counseling, I can forgive her.

You do NOT know this nor are you acting like it.

It's important you believe you can forgive her, or your m is doomed


but guess what?

SHE needs to believe you can forgive her and NOT hold this over her head the rest of her life, or your m is doomed

or throw it in her face every time you feel hurt (like NOW)

and every time you fight down the road....then your m is doomed

by you telling others about a private marital issue

you SEEM to be the type who will NOT forgive and if she does Not believe

you can forgive

then your m is doomed


see the pattern? STOP AND THINK FIRST


you are just Reacting and that's NOT HELPING YOU


your present approach is NOT DBing and it's NOT WORKING