"to make her feel loved wanted and independent to the point that she feels she'd be a fool to risk it all by putting in OP's."
....Right now she is having trouble Mentally adjusting to our new home.
...I've seen this amount of jealousy before and over the years I have learned it's over her insecurities of losing me to someone with qualities she does not have.
Unfortunately she is also one of those women that goes into ssm mode when she has body image issues so now I have that going against me too.
....I have to say this type of behavior is typical Schnarch. She is projecting her insecurities into the bedroom, with repercussions outside of it.
....She needs to feel attractive and desired, and not just by me. At the same time she needs to know that despite feeling good about herself OP's would put the relationship in serious risk. This needs to be a risk she is not willing to take.
As said before it's nice to not be taken for granted anymore, and besides the lack of ML our intimacy levels are through the roof. We are way more affectionate with each other now than we have been in years. Don't really see her much as a WAW anymore, I think we MAY be piecing. Yet I wouldn't be surprised if our piecing is harder and longer than other couples. I can definitely tell she is trying to make this work. I truly thank god for that.
So any plans on
Quote:
...to make her feel loved wanted and independent...?
If she were to mature out of her MLC, would that improve her independence?
If she had a job, and respect from coworkers, would that improver her independence and self respect?
From what you are saying, especially about the increase in intimacy, it sounds like she is feeling more loved. Do think she is feeling more loved? What might make her feel even more loved?
Do you think that time will be the best way for her to understand that she can rely upon your love or will she always wonder if she could loose you? Maybe her MLC was not so much about testing herself with challenges to see what she really wanted. Maybe her MLC was in testing you to see if she could get you to leave her? People sometimes do things subconsciously.
What do you think might be a good path for the two of your to proceed?
I am glad that Schnarch is resonating so strongly with you. Marriage certainly is a crucible.
My suggestion again, would be to show and tell her that you really love her every day, that you want your marriage to be something that everyone is envious of and to help make that happen, you would like the two of you to talk to a marriage counselor not to fix you, not to fix her, but to help the two of you become even closer. That is what some sex therapists do and what most couples weekends do.
I really think that you have done a lot of ground work that a skilled marriage counselor could work with.
If for some reason you want to continue this DIYS project, then may I suggest that you next read up on setting boundaries and building self-confidence in your wife; that you work on getting her a job; perhaps getting her some training in something that will improve her self image (i.e. GAL for her). Is there something that she wants to do (besides porn or modeling) that she might be able to achieve in say two to three months of part-time training/study that would change her self-image?
Also if I were you (I seem to remember that you said you had some photography skills) I would start taking pictures of her (absolutely nothing pornographic or even racy) but art-like with beautiful and famous backdrops and maybe get some of them framed and placed in your house, in your wallet, on your desk at work, on your facebook page and framed as presents to her parents and relatives. Make her look lovely in the pictures (is she isn't don't let her see them), so she will see herself in a new light. Maybe take her to a fancy department store and pay to have a cosmotician professionally apply make-up prior to going out to take photos of her. The goal is to give her something tangible for her to see that says you find her beautiful and lovely, something that when others see will cause them to say that the picture of beautiful and she is lovely.
Good luck, it sounds like some of the pieces are falling into place in your understanding of your wife and what is happening.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
