Okay. As a man that has been in your shoes, literally. I'm going to focus on a positive first. Then I'm going to tell you what I think.
I think it is a positive that she told you, instead of you having to find out through another way. She came clean. EA? I highly doubt it. Your list in your letter you wanted to send was a list I experienced. It was a PA. She is NOT going to tell you this, because it hurts you and it hurts her.
You keep talking about you. Sad, mad, confused, betrayed, etc. How did your Wife tell you? Was she cold about it? Did she have a smirk? Did she cry? Did she lash out at you? What happened? Is it over? More details the better. Suck it up for a few minutes and tell us.
The affair is WRONG. No debate, IT'S WRONG. However, it's a symptom of a problem in the Marriage. You need to understand YOUR part in this and why this happened. You are working very hard to change yourself. This remains a priority THROUGH this pain. Your hard work might be the reason she admitted it.
I'm going to say calling the OM was an emotional reaction. You probably did not think things through properly. As far as your Wife goes. I might get flack, but WHO CARES if it is controlling or weak. You took charge, you stood up for your marriage, and you stood up for yourself. Right...wrong...weak...controlling...Vegas odds? I would have put money on you actually freaking out on her and would have never thought you had the balls to talk to him. I'm impressed. Just my honest opinion.
NOW. What do you do now? I don't know what to offer you until you tell me your Wife's reaction in all of this except for one thing. DO NOT talk about this further WITH HER until you post here. Just take some time for yourself. If you can't speak to her calmly...DO NOT SPEAK TO HER.
There is no magic pill or words we can give you right now. All I can say is if you can take off to a happy place to think right now and get your thoughts together...I think that would be a good thing. My experience is whatever you are feeling right now it is dangerously close to exploding in anger. I'm more concerned about you getting angry and saying something weak and destructive than what you have already done.
