my heart is breaking

[kermitdfrog]

I think I'm feeling strong and then one little situation and I crumble....

A friend at church this morning, who knows my H filed for divorce, came up to me and asked if my H was dating someone, because she had seen his picture in the society section of the paper with a woman. I went home and looked it up online, and at first, was relieved, because it was the Variety Club formal event (see my post from sometime in May) that a potential client invited him to. The woman is someone who works at the company who has been the contact person he has worked with for the last 2 years, to get him into the company. I've known her name and he has mentioned her when talking about this potential contract with the company. So it wasn't a shock, but when seeing the picture, they looked kind of "together". Posing standing side by side with their arms around each other, all dressed up in his tux and her low cut formal. It made me sick. Of course, it is common for people to be talking, and when a photographer tells them to pose, they put their arms around each other. But they just kind of look like a couple. Now my imagination is running away from me. Why was he so secretive about going to that event? She works in an area where he has another client, and often has bank transactions (online) from near there. I always assume it is from the client that he works with near there, but what if he is having lunch with her??? I am just letting my mind go crazy. I am trying to calm down so I don't ask him the next time I talk to him. I just always want to be reassured, which I think drove him away the last few months. I don't think he was seeing anyone then, because he was with me every weekend, but now that he has filed, I don't see him much. And maybe to him, filed means single. To me, we are married until the divorce is final. I know I am going a little nuts here, but I am just venting so that I get my fears out of my system (and not on him).
So there....I feel better. In my gut, I really think my work-addicted husband was just posing with a prospective client. He works with a ton of women. But the shock of seeing him, dressed up, with another woman makes me want to throw up. But I'll get over it.

Another thing....my DB coach told me to watch the last 15 minutes of the movie "The Story of Us". I had seen it years ago, but oh my God. I highly recommend the whole movie, but the last 15 minutes had me crying my eyes out. The wife plays a slide show in her head of their lives together..I do that a lot. Then, her monologue after that sounds just like me. It is so touching and sweet and I believe sums up everything that we LBS's feel. I highly recommend it, and I see why my DB coach did.

Thanks for reading and have a great 4th of July.

Kermit