Nearly 5 years but who is counting?

[kermitdfrog]

oh my Gosh, MMF,
(My story is in newcomers under My heart is breaking .Don't know how to post link)
You sound EXACTLY like me. My H and I have been struggling since last summer, separated since December, and he filed last month. I absolutely will not give up on him. I pray harder than I have ever prayed. I am closer to God than I have ever been. I actually think our kids (D24, S21) respect the fact that I am serious about my vows. I feel that I am a good example for them. The sad thing is, their dad was always such a wonderful Christian man who I believe is going through a horrible (Satan-caused?) period in his life. The example you used is the same one I tell people. That I wouldn't give up on my kids, so I won't give up on my husband. He has been my family longer than our children have. And as you point out, the Bible says that your spouse should be ABOVE your children, second only to God.


Some things I've been told that help clarify why we should stand:

1) my Divorce Care leader (who is a Christian counselor), as well as the Divorce Care videos, say that MOST spouses who leave eventually want to come back. The problem is that the LBS has usually moved on or remarried. (So it's good to wait and be patient!)

2) my Divorce Care counselor told me "If you desire to reconcile with your spouse, God put that desire in your heart. So you should honor it. (he said if for some reason reconciliation would be harmful, God will not put the desire for it in your heart)

3) our marriage counselor told me that there is a recent statistic that says that nearly 80% of people who file for divorce are unhappier (and have regrets) when polled 5 years later.

So, there are great reasons to stand. But the BEST reason is the Bible and God's word.

I am just starting the divorce process, and I pray every day that it doesn't happen. But I feel strongly, like you do, that standing is what we are called to do. Having said that, I will NEVER tolerate abuse or disrespect. It is possible to stand by faith, and still treat yourself with respect. I set boundaries, do not pursue, and make sure I treat myself well. I have learned a lot in this DB process (I still make mistakes, but I'm learning) but I have learned that I am important and will not be disrespected. And my H does not disrespect me. But I look at standing for my marriage as treating MYSELF well, as well my H. It makes me feel good about myself and honors my vows, my love for my H, and my desire to do right by my family.

Keep it up MMF! I am here for support. You are being a man of honor.

kermit