I wil do my best to not pressure her. But... I can't undo what I have done so far this am. I needed to do those things as a last ditch effort to influence a positive direction (one where she gets advice from those she loves and respects to see that she needs to get help).
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
We all do what we do because in the moment, it is the thing we choose to do. Not right or wrong, good or bad, just is...
We always have an opportunity to course correct. This is your moment to do so, if necessary.
Understand that confronting OM could have the affect that he will be more aggressive with his R with your W.
Understand that telling your sister or your friend might cause them to pull away from you, for whatever reason they might have.
Understand that your W WILL find out that you approached the OM. And possibly that you spoke with your sister and friend.
Your W will react the way she will, as this information is revealed to her. It might be positive... it might be negative...
I mean this without being condescending. What follows will be consequences. The best you can do right now, is wait to see what the consequences are.
If they are negative, adjust your behaviours accordingly.
If they are positive, well... that would be awesome and will be the foundation for your next moves.
It is what it is and what will be will be. The results might suck, or they might be fantastic.
Lets see how this pans out!
In the mean time, any thoughts on what you might do for yourself? Any GAL you could do right now, or in the next day or two, to help occupy yourself during your emotional downturn?
If I went, it would be more of the same...ie I was putting on a brave face and pretending nothing was wrong... If I don't go, then that would be a 180. I don't know if it would be helpful for me of her if I stay home, or go.
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
My W insisted that we "do Christmas" like any normal year.
I was sure there was no value in it, since we were in the final stages of our M. Much of the damage already done. I had already moved out of the house. She had actually conceded to MC prior to the season and on the belief she was at least committed to "trying" to fix our M, it made sense to participate in festivities. Business as usual, so it speak.
In the end, on the 27th of Dec, my W was back into full blown n/c. At least, socially. There was a New Years event that we always participated in and if we were "working things out", I would have expected to participate in. I was NOT invited and I know that her OM was at the event...
So what am I saying here?
I did "more of the same" and it did not help and it did not hurt. It does not matter at this time. Still, if I wanted to affect change, it might have been better that I proceeded with the 180 and NOT participated in Xmas with my W.
This will be a choice that you make FOR YOU. The results will simply be an artifact of the choice. It will MEAN nothing. It will just be information.
If going would be "more of the same", then you could choose this event to do a 180. Or... you can simply choose to go and see where that leads.
Understand that I AM NOT recommending you do not go. I am only putting out the options.
PLEASE DO what YOU feel is the BEST OPTION.
Understand that 180 is not a tactic. If you choose a 180, you need to be consistent with it into the future. You can course correct later if the 180s ultimately have a negative effect. And what appears to be a negative affect at first needs time to settle... any positive results may not be immediately obvious...
I called the OM and asked him to back off, and to think long and hard about the 4 lives that were being destroyed.
I don't think your WAW will see this as "control". I think the WAW sees it as being weak.
Don't leave your children. Just stop talking to people except for the ones here. I think if you will learn to do the work, instead of working your mouth....that will be progress.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Maybe I am weak. Maybe I'm strong to call him. I want her make the right choice. I maky be stronger than I think. I just dock know anymore. Her betrayal cuts me to the core
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
