Well went to the movies again yesterday and went out walking at the park after that. I sent a couple of emails to some old friends I hadn't talked to in awhile still haven't gotten any replies. Took my dogs out walking yesterday afternoon. Went out walking again this morning and now it's raining so I'm about to try to find some other ways to rearrange the house. Cell phone is still turned off and put in the closet for the time being. Thought about taking it to my mother's just so the temptation to turn it won't be there anymore but so far I'm dealing with it. It's been really tough. Made it almost two days with NC till she had my BIL drop her off for a few minutes last night. She thought that since I wasn't returning messages that my phone was either messed up or turned off. I told her that I forgot to turn it on that day.
She dropped by to tell me she was ordering the divorce papers online next week. I simply said ok. Then she went to discuss the R. I didn't argue with her about it. She hinted about someone else. She said there wasn't anyone else involved at the time I lived with you. I said so your saying there is now? She said no but it wouldn't be an affair because we are separated. I said in my opinion it is an affair as long we are married. She started trying to argue and I said there's no reason to raise your voice you came over to talk to me and I'm being civil. Then she calmed it down and said there is someone I started talking to about two weeks before I moved out. So I said again then there is someone else. I don't think she caught on to that she was telling on herself because she started trying to backtrack and take back that she never said any of that. I just stayed calmed and said there's no reason to get hostile here your the one telling me this stuff I didn't ask. Then she went on to saying that she got tired of having no life and said we could have but when asked she would say she didn't want to go anywhere. Then she went back to saying I love you but not in love with you anymore. Then she went to saying I'm just not attracted to you anymore. I asked her what was unattractive. She said it makes her feel shallow to even say. I simply asked her to let me know what the problem is. She said because my hair is long and hasn't changed since we first met. To which I told her I was already looking into getting it cut. (planning on doing that this week actually) and that I have put on weight (roughly about 20lbs) she said that makes her feel bad because she has put on a lot of weight herself. I just mostly listened to what she had to say and usually I would fly off the handle at things like that but this time when she would start getting loud I would just say calm it down. Most of my responses were ok. thank you for sharing that with me. She mentioned that while she would like us to stay friends at the same time sometimes she thinks it would be easier if we went our separate ways because it would be awkward if we ran into each other and are both with other people. Then we had brief idle conversation while she waited on her brother to come get her. He went to the store while we talked and I thanked her for coming by.
After she left though I was so mad! Even just sitting on the couch I could feel my face burning. Makes me mad for not flying off the handle at her when she started mentioning someone else and then trying to backtrack to cover her story. Then to tell me she's not attracted to me for something that has happened to the both us! I ended up going for a late night walk to try to blow off some steam. Don't know if I handled that all correctly or not but it was the best act I could put on to keep from blowing up at her. Really thinking of getting an attorney. I've never handled any of this kind of stuff before and would like to have someone to look over the paperwork just to make sure it's all good. I know she will be expecting me to just sign the paperwork on the spot when it is brought over. So if I do that will be a lot of fun to deal with and how mad she will get about it.
