We went to the Canada day festivities and had a great time. My W seemed in great spirits and was smiling, joking laughing and reminiscing about happy family memories. Those are good signs. I noticed that even myself and the kids were more relaxed as well.
Afterward we went to my cousins house and had a few drinks and enjoyed the good company. My W looked great in her summer top, and I had a hard tine keeping my eyes off of her, she kept looking over at me too... I noticed that there was not even 1 derogatory comment towards me, in fact, she even commented how "John loves to do the laundry lately". So, she is definitely noticing my efforts. She was again in a very happy spirit and was laughing and joking. I noticed that even on the drive home, it continued. We got home and I made dinner while she went to the gym.
So nice to have a good day.
My Mood 7/10
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
That's great J1. Keep it positive, but please strive to keep doing things different. ANYTHING out of the ordinary is a good thing. I mean ANYTHING.
I still think you should get manned up and take a cab somewhere and make her curious. I truly stand by this. Anything that shows you don't have your eyes on her 100% will benefit you. It relieves pressure from her and it also builds your confidence. Win-Win.
Seriously, do this and soon. It's not a game, but when MWD says do something different, she means it.
I did go out for the past 2 weekends and didn't tell her where... She is going out tonight, so I have to watch the kids... I am going to get contacts again and ditch the ugly glasses, so that will help...
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
That's great J1. Keep it positive, but please strive to keep doing things different. ANYTHING out of the ordinary is a good thing. I mean ANYTHING.
I still think you should get manned up and take a cab somewhere and make her curious. I truly stand by this. Anything that shows you don't have your eyes on her 100% will benefit you. It relieves pressure from her and it also builds your confidence. Win-Win.
Seriously, do this and soon. It's not a game, but when MWD says do something different, she means it.
YES ^^^^
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I did go out for the past 2 weekends and didn't tell her where
GOOD! Keep this up. New cologne? More new clothes as the pounds drop off? Keep changing it up. Same old colors of clothes? Do something different. Google what colors I should wear. Anyhting to keep changing it up. Stay mysterious and keep her guessing. Arouse her curiosity.
I love the saying, "Learn to speak Cat". Be catnip.
Originally Posted By: Johnnieno1
I am going to get contacts again and ditch the ugly glasses, so that will help...
YES!!! This is actually a 180. Not to get her to notice, but others as well. It's clear they bother you and that's a nice 180. I wear glasses. You still need glasses. Just when you get a new pair change up the style...pick a pair that compliments you. You can do contacts definitely, but you can also wear stylish "cool" glasses as well. Anything you can do to feel good and attractive to YOURSELF is a positive change.
Keep up the good work and don't hesitate to post bad days here. Remember Sandi's list. Keep moving forward friend.
Originally Posted By: Johnnieno1
She is going out tonight, so I have to watch the kids
I do not actually know what you usually do after she returns. You can fill that in later. I will say. DO NOT ASK HER ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Don't ask if she had a good time. Don't ask if she had fun. Don't ask or say anything! Let her come to you and tell you something. Pretend you don't care. 'act like' it's normal and whatever. Make her tell you about her night. If you ask ANYTHING...1) If she is screwing around and guilty...she will use it against you as pressure. 2) She will view it as pressure against her freedom (even if she didn't do anything) 3) She will feel you put pressure on her, no matter how you ask. Just let it be for now.
The goal here is to show YOU trust and are not effected by her actions. It also allows her to feel no pressure and safe. IF she's up to no good, you actually gain the upper hand by knowing you handled it correctly and letting her make her choices all on her own with literally NO JUSTIFICATION. Does that make sense to you? I can clarify if needed.
Confronted my W about her mysterious whereabouts last night, she admitted to having an affair. Cant post right now, too upset, will give more info later.
I am destroyed.
J
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
I feel better knowing (in a way). Now she knows I know. I told her that I was upset, I asked her to concider a new marriage and to abandon the old.
She says just met him for drinks. In other words (emotional affair), but she is probably lying about that too. She says it has been going on since April. I dont remember everything I said, but I did use the word adulterer. I asked her if she was proud of the example she was setting for the kids, and a lot more was said, by me. she says almost nothing.
What do I do now?
Dispute everything, I do love her, and I think I can forgive her,
She said she needs time to think
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
I called the OM and asked him to back off, and to think long and hard about the 4 lives that were being destroyed.
I also calked her sister to give her a heads up, as to what's happening. I asked her sister to keep it in confidence.
I called her friend that knows our sitch, and gave her a heads up to know that my W may need support today.
I know I am not following the things I am "supposed to do" but I have no idea what else I can do, nothing else has worked so far. I will not give up on my marriage without fighting for it. Even though she has betrayed me, in the most inimaginable way possible, I still love her. I know with time and counseling, I can forgive her.
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
J1... understand that we are here to support you. That support includes handing out harsh reminders that there are certain things that we might do that are NOT conducive to helping our M's.
They are known as 2x4s...
I do not know enough about you to know if you have a controlling nature. I understand that you are desperate to save your M and will do what ever it takes.
It might have felt good to confront the OM and give the sister and friend the heads up. But that is controlling behaviour and is very unlikely to help. High risk that is most likely to blow up in our faces. Push our spouses away.
The biggest gift we can give ourselves in these high emotion moments is time and space AWAY from the drama. AKA "getting off the roller coaster". Easy to say, hard to do.
Remember that we cannot UNDO that which we have done.
DB does not instruct in the way that it does to hurt us. It instructs us in the way that is most likely to have positive affects. HEED the DB and the things that work, and do the best you can to stay away from things that do not.
You are going to be all over the emotional map right now. Do whatever you can to put yourself into a time out. Do it for you and do it for your kids.
