One foot out the door, the other on a rug....

[luvmyhubby]

I might have said that at one time in our marriage. The same way you say something like " if you ever cheat on me that would be it". I have made it clear verbally and with a letter that he can take his time to decide.

I think his true motivation is his guilt. He cannot go out and truly be free from his "vows" while married. I think every time he tries to "hit" on women he feels guilty because he is married. Ive been holding onto the fact that he hasnt and probably wouldnt have the courage to actually file.

However now I think that I have to let that go. That will have to be a 180 for me since I have had control of that this whole time. He said that he didnt file already because I said I wouldnt sign.

His problems were simple..
-He never had control of any choices
-He agreed to things even when he didnt want them so he wouldnt cause waves.
-I made him feel bad about himself and everything.

My synopsis is that he stopped giving effort in our home and to our family. I picked up the slack and complained and told him I needed more of him. Then the cycle started and the actual issue was ignored..

I think all I wanted to accept his decision was actual effort in saving the marriage. Even if just for the kids.. He cant give it.. Or doesnt want to.. and I dont have control of this or his feelings.. Im working on me and how i contributed and changing that for me...

He hangs out with new friends not anyone he knows and has been staying away from family. (his and mine)

Im off his back and I let him go.. I am not GAL.. I now HAVE one..
Just feels like stuffing the pain and not truly dealing with it..who knows..