Is filing for D a 180?

[luvmyhubby]

So he says he wants one. He knows etc.. He said that he would have filed sooner but i said i wouldnt sign. Well I have done the leg work as far as me i know what it will take to file for a D with us both agreeing.

He doesnt have the $ to file with a lawyer but if i agree to file with him and we agree on everything he can do it. So do I just wait for him to file etc? I just dont even know anymore..

I know why he is rushing. He wants to be with other people and not feel guilty anymore which is what i made him feel in the marriage. He has that link to me and cannot move on with out it broken I think..

I think I move on and am okay with a D but then it hits me again. Im looking GREAT losing weight and GAL really GAL!!!!! I just have a hard time not wanting my husband and family.

So if i just let him file and come to me but then agree to what he wants that is a 180 from my control. However I dont want one he knows that already and if I give him a no answer he will wait but I could free him from our RULES about not dating.. I guess that would be more of the same though.. me in control of the scenario...

I dont want the broken man before me I want the man he can be after we heal. I will continue to pray for that and keep that safe in a part of my heart.. but still move on as best as I can.

I wont stop it but I wont encourage it either..
He has said some things about the kids lately that upset me. Like he cannot handle them both together because they fight.. He wants to try one at a time.. I dont know if I should try to control this or allow it.. It isnt fair to the kids but me controlling the issue is more of the same.

I think if I allow him to take one the other will freak out. Then Ill just let them call him and the chips will fall where they may.. He cant even think about being a bad dad that makes him cringe...
He is shirking his responsibility little by little. He is high on his freedom.. I hope that he enjoys the ride!