25 As usual I totally agree with your assessment. After having read no more mr nice guy, I think I can definitely say that dynamic has improved dramatically. She has actually been wonderful the last 2 weeks, she apologizes if she is wrong, she drastically loses her temper less, she wears her band, we now sleep on the same bed, the list goes on about ways that our M is way better. I might even venture to say that we may be piecing.
All that being said we definitely have our issues. As ugly as the last incident was, it is no longer the norm like it used to be, it is merely a MLC relapse. One which I think I handled well.
All that being said something interesting is happening. I haven't heard open M talk in months from her, in many ways she has become more jealous, and instead of being excited about all the adult clubs we could be exploring together, she is very weary and apprehensive of them. She is constantly looking for reassurance on her looks, and is very worried about her weight. (yes, she is still a 00 size). Then yesterday, she asked me if I thought the local women were more attractive then her. All of a sudden it made sense. The higher jealousy, the constant need for reassurance, even the low interest in sex. (she's been known to be one of those women that withholds sex when they have low self esteem).
She is seriously threatened by the local women. They're subservient, have small frames, have exotic looks, and most of them are looking for green cards. (well the ones that aren't just plain ladies of the night). We have already had this conversation a few times:
Her: "why is that local girl dressed like that, and what is she doing on post?!"
Me: "what do you think..."
Her: "she can't do that on post!"
Me: "maybe she's waiting for her boyfriend"
(ugly American walks up and greets her)
Her "how can she be with that, he's hideous!"
Me: "yeah but he has "American green" card stamped on his head that makes him gorgeous here"
So I have been having to do a lot of reassuring. What does this all mean?
I think it may be the opening I need. For one PM is very good at addressing issues of insecurities in sex lives. Especially when it comes to body image issues. This would be a great opportunity to build stronger bonds as we work through these issues, and we work on making her feel loved and attractive.
Secondly this may be what I needed to end this open marriage thing. Since 1. Even ugly guys can get good looking girls here ( and I am way above average) so she could be easily replaced, 2. Sex is way more available here whether through random hook ups, or just outright going to one of the many adult establishments service members can legally frequent here.
In many ways the playing field is level here, and I can get as much action if not more than her. I think all of a sudden monogamy may be more attractive to her. I don't know, maybe I'm being naive, but I can tell I'm not taken for granted anymore. Only time will tell, as I had said in previous post if she is so adamant about this open marriage thing it will be done on equal terms. This includes opening the door to losing me, just as I stand to lose her.
As I said we both have a lot to work on. Things are definitely getting better. Going to try to reintroduce PM again, need to read NMMNG again.
