Walking in Muskeg - Part IV - Squishy Rubber Boots

[Queen_of_Swords]

Your kids pay the price? You wouldn't have those kids if you hadn't met, dated and married your husband.

Yes, and that's why wishes are mere wishes.
I get that I would never have the children I do to care for, had I not done what I did, and my life would be different.
Different man, different children, different challenges, or perhaps no man or no children at all.



I don't believe H. ever loved me. Why? Because hindsight gives us a perspective that we didn't have while living it as the present.

H. didn't love me unconditionally...his love was conditional. It was an exchange. When I stopped meeting those conditions and expectations which he never really expressed, he stopped and walked away.
That's not love, that's commerce and it certainly explains his behaviour now.

I can live with and even accept the knowledge I was used, that's on me for allowing it.

I can't live with being unworthy of being loved for just who I am.


I haven't let him take my happy memories, I just see them differently now and prefer NOT to remember, as it causes me pain. So are they "happy" memories? Not really.


Maybe I will get it, maybe I won't. I'm doing what I must the best way I know how. I can't do more.

I thank you for your thoughts and well wishes.