2step talked to his XW for over 3 hours today, so I'd suspect he didn't go with my "simple response" suggestion.
LITB: LOL actually I tried. Did not work out like I thought, go figure. The less you want to talk the more they want to.
Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem
I hope you are feeling better today, 2step. Beginning those 48hrs, or what have you... I understand how the texts from your W struck nerves. Feel better soon...
KM thanks man. The text did kind of bother me; actually it made me a little angry which is another reason not responding when I wanted to was so important. Regardless of how I feel I am not out to hurt her but also I do not want to get hurt in the process. I have to protect myself. Thank you for the kindness shown.
Originally Posted By: KenF
its interesting. and this is just my opinion/observation this is what the WAS wanted. and now that she/they get it, they want what they left behind. its a bit insulting that they think its still available. last week i got the 'lets change the visitation schedule so D has more consistency' --- completely forgetting any inconsistencies in D's life were predicated on the x's need for a divorce. i've remained completely consistent, same house, same car, same job. while she is now moving her for the second time in 2 years, new schools away from all her friends in daycare, etc. it would be emotionally satisfying, and against all you've learned here, to respond with "i'm sorry you feel that way, but this is what you wanted"
It is true Ken. I don’t know if my X is looking to get back. A part of me thinks she was actually depressed and wanted to reach out, but in her own way she is also scared to call or text not knowing the reaction she would get from me. I worked really hard to erase that feeling early on and when I felt that the emotional control had shifted to her favor that is when I began to detach naturally because I knew then that if she wanted to reach out she would since I had made my intentions clear enough..
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
This is the turning point in how you perceive your sitch.
You have carried the heavy load all this long while and have excorcised your demons and laid your soul bare.
Time for her to work a little? Yes gritter. Time for her to do some work. The sad part is I don't know if it is too late. If the R with OM is what I think it is then it is pointless because I will NOT compromise my moral integrity for anynone. That is just me.
Maybe? No maybe here.
I am not saying set up flaming hoops for her to jump through like a poodle in a circus.(borrowed this from J3B)
You are divorced yes? Yes
She misses your voice? So she says
Well what is she going to do about it? I guess she called and texted me but I did not answer.
Will she know she really wants it if you hand her what she wants on a silver platter with some blue cheese and celery? She prefers Ranch.
You have come a long with your detachment and moving forward.
Under what circumstances do you risk that? I don't. I can't. I can't do what I have done twice in my life. I will die of a heartattack
She will surely test you along the way.
There is and will always be a degree of regret or confusion on her part IMO.
What is THAT ^^^ or REAL desire to reconcile? I need something more solid than that to even thinnk about it. A text telling me she misses my voice is just that. A text. NOthing more nothing less.
How will you know that? What does it look and feel like? I will know when she flat out tells me just like she flat out told me she filed. I am in no mood for riddles or to stroke her fragile ego.
She misses your voice?
Nostalgia? Regret? Memory and longing of the 2step gone by?
Don't risk yourself or your D to anything short of your heart knowing the answer to these questions. Agreed 100%
Great post Gritter! Thanks for stopping by man. Oh I am watching True Grit tonight. I thought of you.
Originally Posted By: aeolianchaos2step, My heart goes out to you. I think you are putting into words an element of this experience that many of us are having. I don't know what to say otherwise - communication is such an issue sometimes - you want to speak from the best in you, and yet when something like this happens - what to say? Silence? I'm sure there is an appropriate response that comes from the best in you. Give yourself the time to find it. [/quote
Chaos, thank you for stopping by. What a great point. I welcome you inside the 2step electric circus.
[quote=Country_Song]2step, I suggest you use the 48hr rule Michelle suggested. You don't have time to respond right now. Don't you have two kids in the house right now? Plus you are working right? You are out with the kids doing fun and exciting things. PLUS you are out meeting new and interesting people. Little time for an XW. Right?
Country: I do have two kids at the house and I was in no rush to respond. I did eventually. You are right on all points. My balance comes between Anger/Love/and indifference. I want to avoid being punitive with my words and actions while at the same time keeping my personal integrity and morals. I hope that makes sense.
