WAW Very Firm on D

[Grocerykartman]

I decided not to become dark anymore and maintain a friendship with the wife. She really wants to be friends and have some family time together once a week or every other.

In my opinion, THIS is okay, it's very hard to go completely dark with someone you have kids with and hope to save your relationship with. It doesn't have to be all or nothing during this process, but, it do beleive it should be closer to nothing, and more dark than light.

I do know her reasoning is for the kids sake only.

How do you know that? Just asking.

However I feel its a great opportunity for me to show her the changes in me and to show her they are here to stay.

Please be careful here. It can take a long time to convince yourself that the changes are permanent. I think you need to be confident in yourself first. Have you truly reached that point?

I cautiously encouraged her to go out with him on a date. It killed me to do it but I had to at least give her the perception I support the idea and I have begun to move on and GAL.

Well, you already did it so I'm not going to 2x4 you. Let me just ask you, how does encouraging HER to go on a date correlate to YOU moving on an GAL? It feels to me like you're lying to yourself that you don't care or have moved on?

So it looks like tonight I have the kids overnight instead for the day so she can go out on her date with him. It will be a group setting, 4 of them going to baseball game. It kills me that she is going but I do feel I must support and encourage.

If you hated this the whole time she was there and don't want to experience this feeling again, don't do this again.

She has to be the nicest person on the planet. Even through all this she has been extremely nice from day 1.

Well, not really, she is walking out on her marriage. Keep that in mind.

Look, I think I see what you're doing, you're trying to make it seem as if you don't care. But you're lying yo yourself, which, in effect, is lying to her too. You canb't show her positive chnages when you are actually bringing in negative ones-which are your own mind games right now where you are fooling yourself.

Let us know how you are feeling after the big date here, and how things are going. The board will help you through this. But, I would not go about things this way from hereon.

I wish you well.