XYZ is here, and it looks like I'm staying...

[XYZ]

Sometimes it it hard to take the longer view.
you know the big picture, you know that stuff will come if everything continues. but you do tend to set yourself up for expectations

Harrier thanks for this. I've re-read this line about 10 times in the last few days and really tried to think about it.

If you'd asked me 10 days ago what odds I gave reconciliation, I would have said 10 or 15%; if you asked me today, I'd say 75%. My sitch is SO much better right now. Amazing what can happen in a week! And that's where the problem lies. I, once again, feel like I'm just waiting for it to happen. A week ago, I was committed to a future where it was up to me to make it happen and I had a plan. I didn't have one option (my favorite one) open to me, but I could still have a great life and I could go execute my plan. Now, I'm back in the soup. I don't have a step 1, 2, 3,... now. I can't tell you what I'll be doing tomorrow or next week or the week after. I just have to take each day. OMG. I know that's what I need to do, but it's just not my style and it's really f-ing with me right now.

Interactions with W continue to improve. Couple things to note. At the last minute she got invited on a girls weekend, but it would mean being a couple hours late on Sunday for the kids swap. She asked me Friday if that was ok with me. I was totally supportive, no problem, happy to help. That seems like a small deal, but those types of things in the past where problems for us (she always felt that I didn't like her doing these type of weekends, I didn't mind but she felt I did). She went out of her way to thank me.

Because she's out of town, she has less contact with us then usual. Got text from her today "Miss you guys, ily". Now, "you guys" might have meant mostly the kids, but maybe not. I replied "we miss you too, especially me. ily2". Maybe I shouldn't have added that last part - she didn't comment it - but oh well. She asked about plans with kids and I told her "wow. Great dad" she said. That's all good (great!), but having (a lot) trouble not wanting more and wanting it NOW.

It's like the old pray I've read on here "God give me patience, and give it to me now!"