Can My Marriage Be Saved?

[a girl]

I think you should be present, but not following, inclusive, but not pursuing, reassuring, complimentary, but not condescending, available, but not a doormat. Tough? Yes, but you can do this.

This is a great way to look at it, especially the "inclusive but not pursuing". I'm trying to let him know of plans in a way that indicates he's welcome, but if he'd rather not, that's ok too. So far I think it's working, but it's hard to say.

Baby steps. Last night was discouraging - he's so certain that it's too late. I'm not giving up, though - better to try too long than not long enough.

Going to look at local event this weekend to take S to. We're already going to the fireworks show on Monday - H as well, but maybe there's something fun on Saturday to do.

[a girl]

Just journaling. I did text H to tell him my head was only a little better.

Encounter:
Me: awake. Still kinda awful. Taking other stuff.
Him: oh no. I'm sorry to hear that.

Should have stopped there! Anyway,we learn.

Me: trying heat again. Hope your stuff is going well (he's in an all day meeting)
Him: going ok. Sooooo hungry.
Me: were you too busy to have breakfast? . (he had an early conference call)

30 minutes later:
Him: no I had breakfast, just no snack.

Then I stopped responding. Need to remind myself that I feel better when not anxiously awaiting a reply from him, and I can control that.

Need to spend time today working on goals. It's hard, but I need to do it.

[a girl]

More journaling, though input is always welcome.

H has been little more relaxed tonight, I think. He made chicken for dinner and called for me to come have crispy skin a couple of times. Has also initiated more conversation than usual, though just about video games - still, it's a start. Would love suggestions on conversation-starting books/websites.

May ask him in a bit about the mini-series.

Told him I was thinking of taking S to the science center tomorrow. He said that sounded fun, but didn't mention coming/not coming.

[a girl]

A setback last night - get out your 2x4s. Not only did I start a talk out the R, H brought up the fact that he knows I look at his email. I've been unsuccessful in my attempts to not snoop.

I told him it was stupid, and born out of fear and panic, and that I was sorry. He said, "Whatever", but then said he could see why I'd do it, given things he's done in the past.

But I think this will give me the boost I need. So from now on, no more snooping.

I will feel better because it will help me detach.
I will feel better because it will be a small, consistent thing I can do to show he can trust me.

Other stuff for today - not going to avoid him, but I plan to avoid being in the same room as him as much as possible. I think it will help to feel more in control.

He's said being around me often feels "awkward", but when I'm not around, he seeks me out - yesterday I was in the bedroom due to my migraine and he came in 4-5 times about random stuff, plus called me out to the kitchen a couple times for food. It's actually very confusing.

Anyway. Today is another day in which I can do better at DBing.

[~¤DG¤~]

The snooping is very hard to stop. If you've read up on my sitch you will see I have issues with it as well. It doesn't make me feel any better to do it, yet I continue to do it anyway.

It is a good idea to stop, because you have to remind yourself you can't do anything about anything he is doing anyway.

[a girl]

H came in to tell me he was going to Costco. He seemed down, so I asked if something was wrong. He said he was bothered because our talk last night had no resolution. I told him right now there doesn't seem much resolution to be had.

He said he's going to get the bike and take a ride today. I said that sounded fun.

After he left, S and I did some gardening. Well I gardened. S complained about how hot and tired he was.

[a girl]

Having a hard time with anger today.

Did my pilates workout - that helped me feel better. Ate a healthy lunch - the anxiety has been a blessing in disguise when it comes to weight loss - I've lost 20lbs in 4 months - 10 in the last month. It's helping my self-esteem a bit, although I have another 20 to go.

Also played Battleship with S. He's not very good yet, but its fun.

Spent some time in the living room reading - he came out to play on his laptop. Chatted a bit about random tech news, then he started playing his video game and stopped talking. After a short while, I got up and said, "I'm bored. I'm going out.". He asked where I was going - I said drugstore for a few things. Was gone 45 min or so. Chatted for a minute when I got back and the I headed to the bedroom.

I'm annoyed because I want to be in the living room, but don't want to follow him or spend a lot of time with him. Bit of a roller coaster, emotionally right now.

Bought "Creative Visualization" for my Kindle - planning to read it tonight. Going to see if there are any iPhone apps for visualization.

Hoping I make it through this long weekend without any significant mishaps.

[a girl]

Tough night so far. Found myselfm ad and couldn't shake it. H was everywhere - bedroom, office, living room. I finally went up to S room just so I could be alone.

He came looking for me - wanted to talk about dinner. Asked what I was doing. I said just hanging out and then went back into the room. I heard him stand there a bit before he left.

I came down and told him I was just having a sad time and it was nothing he's done/not done. He thanked me for that - wondering if it's his faucet when I'm silent and upset is one of his big issues, so I'm trying to avoid it.

After that we hung out in the living room and chatted - then went to make dinner. I finished first so I came back to the living room to read - he joined me and we chatted a bit more.

Not sure how to handle it when I'm in the room and he joins me - I don't want to constantly leave when he comes in the room, so I'm trying to not follownhim, but not be driven away. Would love some input on this dilemma, please?

[a girl]

Just bumping in the hopes of input/advice.

[jbnati]

Not sure how to handle it when I'm in the room and he joins me - I don't want to constantly leave when he comes in the room, so I'm trying to not follownhim, but not be driven away. Would love some input on this dilemma, please?

I don't think you should follow him around everywhere, like what you're already striving not to do. However, that doesn't mean you have to avoid him. If he needs the space, he's going to take it. Just be upbeat and and as positive as you can around him. Be cordial. My thoughts, anyway.